More, Most, Forever, & Always (COMPLETE)

11. Observation

Travis Swanson-

I cheered myself on, finally understanding the math.

It was end of thanksgiving break, I didn't get sick and Hailey got all better.

Now I could focus on what really mattered and that was the books.

I bought a copy of The Love Hypothesis and a book I don't think she'd have.

A Thousand Boy Kisses.

I called her asking and she gasped telling me she'd always wanted to read it. So I bought it.

I began with that one. And I spent 2 days reading it. I craved to surround myself in what she loves, to understand it.

And if I was right, this book would break her heart.

Words, these words would do damage to her. They'd make her cry, make her heart hurt. Almost like a break-up.

Because I found myself crying.

And I underlined every single thing that was said that made me cry more. And I did this because she wanted me too.

And I understand her. She's gonna grieve over these 288 pages. And I'll be there to know what she's feeling.

It's strange. To go from never really reading, to reading a story so... powerful.

We had more in common than I believed.

We use words as an escape, mine is buttered with notes of music and rhythm, hers is laced with grammar and bookmarks.

But they were alike nonetheless.

Next I read her favorite book.

This took me an entire day.

And I read it after the two days spent on the previous book.

I read it with high hopes.

With an emotional mentality. Almost treating this experience as a mental study.

I annotated what I assumed gave her butterflies and giggle, I annotated what might've made her boyfriend expectations so high.

I left my own notes for her not to read on why she may have loved Adam Carlsen.

Maybe it was the height, the body type, the attitude.

Or maybe it was how he had wanted her for 2 years previously.

But I wasn't sure.

But I was honestly... shocked at the sexual scenes.

I was... a virgin. I was unexperienced. But I wasn't oblivious. And I knew female anatomy.

I'm not waiting for marriage or anything either, but I'm waiting till I feel it's right.

I believe a man should 100% desire a woman. Desire to please her, desire to wake up the next morning and neither of you leave or feel disgusted.

I don't believe in using women or men for sex, I believe it is a form of intimacy between people who are mutually interested in each other.

It's how I was raised, and it's how I'd want my sister to think too.

I would be livid if Liv came home as a teen and felt guilty or grossed out by a one night stand.

And if a man used her and abused her kindness, I'd kick his ass.

So why would I be that man and possibly do that to someone's sister or daughter?

And I loved how Adam Carlson and Rune Kristiansen went about the female leads and how they handled them before anything sexual occurred.

It was respectful and the bare minimum.

But I think I caught onto what bookworm girls love and why they love fictional men.

They're all attractive, they all ensure consent, they're usually good at sex, they're emotionally connected.

And it's hard to find that in real life.

So I get my date, and I understand her better.