to be content

05

August White

"I understand how I've kept all this information from you but, can you not ignore me please?"

She looked at me across the small kitchen island but, all I could see was someone building a new family without telling me and what was the point of keeping it a secret. "What more do you want from me out of this? You want me to scream and jump for joy about a situation I was kept in the dark about."

"No August that's not it but, I want more than you leaving the house and walking back in my house like you can't speak. But forget that, I don't understand why you can't be happy for me and I get that you're young but can't you like this for me." she was frowning.

"I'm an adult. I am in college. I am not a kid that you spring a family trip on, this is you making adult decisions and not thinking twice about telling me."

"This is what I was afraid of." she folded her arms.

It was as if I was to blame for not telling me the truth and it sucked that the man stayed quiet drinking coffee at the table. I couldn't redirect the anger and it sucked that he might not have been a bad person.

"I give up. This is you and your relationship, what you both do isn't my business but, can you not think for a second how messed up this is. It's been you and me for so long and I don't even get to meet the man at dinner."

"August I'm sorry-"

"I greeted your baby daddy inside my house where he already lives, do you see the problems with that?"

***

"We could be doing anything right now and you choose the park?" Ethen and I were hanging out and I didn't realize how much I missed his presence.

"I wanted to be with you and you alone, no distractions." I looked at him in his deep brown eyes that looked dimmer since graduation.

"So I take it this is your form of apology for leaving me in the dust right." he chuckled.

"You could say that. I wanted to catch up and talk to my bestie." I playfully punched his arm as we walked the trail behind trees with a view of the pond.

"I've been trying to get out but it's hard, every time I think I'm done something comes up and I have to keep selling." He used to be my dealer years ago but after a while of hanging out and random instances we'd become friends. When I sought to get clean he had made sure nobody in the are would sell to me and while I chewed him out hard for it, I was grateful.

Ethen was smart and he was everything you could want in a guy. Kind, selfless, loving, patient, he checked every box but with the way his family depended on him it was pointless to get out the game.

"Come down with me for a couple days, you could get away from everything and we could spend more time together." I thought the idea was perfect, time I could make up from not speaking with him a lot the last couple months.

"I might, I just gotta cover a couple things. You've been staying clean, right?" He stopped prompting us to sit on a bench overlooking the area.

"I've only been smoking and drinking a little." I muttered hating the reaction I was bound to get.

"Let me guess, 'socially'." he scoffed.

"E come on you know it's not like that anymore for me." I tried to reason with him.

"You know how many times I heard that from you?" I hung my head. "Yesterday you didn't come looking for company, you came for a hit and you know it." he turned his head looking at me.