Tag, You're It: Better Run - [Brahms Heelshire Fanfiction]

『T』『w』『e』『n』『t』『y』

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As we walked down, I looked at the scars on my wrists. The two big ones were from the handcuffs that I tried to rip, that's what Carlo told me. Remembering? No clue it ever really happened, I knew there was something and this something was laying heavy on me.

The door opened and Kai walked in. He looked up at me and Brahms, then his eyes switched to my arms. I quickly hid them and put on a smile.

"Back, already?" I asked and walked down. I noticed him looking up at the man behind me, so I titled my head and looked back a bit to see Brahms shrug his shoulders.

Those two have been doing a lot together the last few days, they went outside together to clean up the path and garden from the snow. It was really cute to watch.

Kai was very careful with Brahms but they got closer. Brahms told me what they talked about when they were outside or what they did. They even played tag your it. And if I was honest, I loved seeing them together.

Only a few days until new year's eve and then was 2017 already. It was… quite interesting how fast the time can fly over your head. It's been three months with Brahms now.

"You have self harm scars?" Kai asked quietly as he followed me quickly into the kitchen. I covered my wrists a bit a bit but since the cream has to soak in, I can't cover them up yet.

"[Y/n]-" Kai started again but I cut him off with a small hand gesture.

"I'm fine. How was your visit at your mom's?" I asked instead and smiled. Behind Kai was Brahms now, he let the younger one go before him. But Brahms was taller, a lot taller than Kai and his head poked over the other's, his green and red eyes were looking at me.

He wanted me to tell him. He wanted me to tell Kai my story but I didn't. This wasn't something Kai need to know about, if he still wants to know he could ask his dad if he ever gonna meet him again. Joshua was quite happy when he heard I might go to prison.

The only reason why I didn't go, was because the therapist who talked to me a few days after Toya died, realized something was off with me. Everyone tried to talk quietly and secretly about it but they were not as quiet and secret as they hoped they were. After two days, I knew I'll go into therapy for a long time and that I will have to take medication to be 'myself'.

Or my 'true self'. I've gotten to the point that this side of me, the calm, mature and nice one.. well, it wasn't me. It was all the medications. I'm a sociopath. Probably, not necessarily.

The only reason why I felt so safe around Brahms was.. because he might understand how it feels like to be me. Not that he was crazy or a sociopath but he killed people before.. lots of them.. And I did too.

I've only felt like this one time in my entire life and it was with Toya. Even though she never killed someone and rather met death in a different way… She never thought I was crazy.

Once, when those men tried to hurt me.. I ran to her home and she was there and when I told her what I did, when I said that I couldn't remember what I did but I still know I killed them.. she smiled at me. And she said that sometimes it happens.. and I shouldn't be afraid fo telling her. 

I shouldn't be afraid of being honest with her. She promised not to judge me and she never did. Not once. I felt so safe and loved with her.. only Brahms was able to make me feel like this again. And I was craving this feeling.. I needed it. 

But once he finds out about me.. He'll send me away and I was so afraid of that. If I lose him now, I'll lose everything I have right now. And it will kill me, it already does.