THE LAST GIFT

PART 2- A QUESTION

I saw the same white ceiling.....as soon as I opened my eyes. The room was silent and I could hear myself breathe. My throat was dry and my mouth tasted like copper. My eyelids were also heavy and it seemed like someone just sucked out all the energy from me. I moved my eyes and saw the IV drip attached to my left hand. I could also feel the nasal cannula attached to my nose. I am alive after all......I thought I was going to die........and I have no idea whether I should be happy or worried.

 Suddenly I got a sensation. Someone was holding my right hand. I instantly knew who it was. I moved my eyelids and saw my mother sitting beside me. Her head was buried inside her other hand lying on the blanket. She must have fallen asleep...I squeezed her hands softly with all the little energy I had. She slowly lifted her head and when I saw her tired eyes, red and swollen, and her tear-stained cheeks, it broke my heart. The pain was far greater than yesterday's. In these days, no in all these years I gave her nothing but worry.

 She must be deeply asleep because it took her a moment to figure out what was going on. And when she did, her head immediately moved towards me. When she saw me, conscious again, her eyes got filled with fresh tears.

 "Oh...Isle" she couldn't say more, instead she sobbed.

She held my hand and kissed it softly. My hand got soaked in her tears. It took her a moment to stop crying. When she did, she immediately called the doctor. 

 While he was checking on me, he said, 

"Good to see you awake Ms. Wallice, do you know how long you have been asleep?"

 I had no energy to answer. Instead, I just stared at him. Luckily he figured out my unspoken answer and sighed.

 "Three days, you scared us"I flinched internally. 

I never wanted to scare anyone or even make them worry but.....I think all this time I did nothing except for scaring them. I could feel my mother squeezing my hand. I looked at her. She gave a melancholic smile and said, 

"Don't worry dear, it's not your fault. I am glad that you woke up" 

 How did she know what I was thinking?

 "You don't have to struggle anymore, Isle, you can sleep now", the doctor said in a comforting tone. 

My eyes were fighting another battle to remain open but as soon as the doctor spoke those words, they gave up. My eyes got closed and I immediately fell asleep.

It was already dark when I woke up. My mom probably went home. I was alone again in my small hospital room. I was feeling a little better but at the same time, I was feeling lonely. I stared at the ceiling, lying on the bed. I started to recall what happened 'three days ago'.

 I have been feeling unwell since morning but I tried to ignore it for stupid reasons. I went to meet him when it was past midnight. I talked with him. I made him open up even just a little. I was feeling drowsy so I excused myself from his room. I was returning to my room when all this happened. I sighed. I thought I was going to die.

 But here I am alive and on my hospital bed. A sudden storm is always dangerous and I could feel this now. Because in my case, the storm came when everything was going well. When I was feeling a little happy. Even just a little. But now I am drowning again in this same empty hollow feeling.

 I don't know if I am sad, angry, or just tired. 

Speaking of which I wondered about him. Did he know? I stopped coming suddenly. Did he wonder what had happened? Because for some reason I wanted him to know. 

The room was silent like a lonely winter night. The faint blue moonlight glow was coming from the window illuminating the room. I could only hear the sound of my slow irregular breaths and the ticking of the clock. I was not thinking anything. I was just staring at the white ceiling, sometimes at the window.