for a second, i saw your decaying body
in the ground
alone in the dark
like a flashing memory i never lived
but then i remembered you are ashes
in the dining room
your life started when life itself started
many years ago
and if we scatter you at west creek
you will live forever
in the flowers
that little boys pick to give to their sisters
the way you did
i know you were not my fault
but i can't help but think about all the things i've let die
all the things that slip by
i'd like to say i will do better
but even you know i will not
i'd like to say we feel 'together'
but you're dead
and our relationship has not changed a lot
( I would like to stop writing about my brother but the first stanza in this poem recently happened and it was a bizarre and random horrifying vision so I'm traumatized <3 )
