In and Out of Time

i was always yours to have

Ever since I've gotten a taste of what it's like to be around the fiery-haired woman, it's like I crave her presence. So today I decided I'd make my way to town again to see if I can find her. My behavior might appear to be very... obsessed but I just find her so intriguing. So much so that I'm willing to sneak out to see her, though it's not like I don't do this often.

I suppose I've just never felt the adrenaline rush of it because I was only going to the stables or the woods. Now I have a real destination and reason for leaving. I reach town rather quickly on Savannah and I managed to pocket some money to buy something as well. I mean it would seem odd if I was just hanging around town on the off chance that I do see her.

I walk around for a while and then buy a snack, nibbling as I wander. After an hour or so of that, I come to the conclusion that I probably won't find her. This is peak market time so if she's not here now, I can't imagine when else she'd come. I found her around this time when we first met. Which, now that I think about it, is odd.

She doesn't seem like a person that likes crowds but I digress. I make my way back to Savannah and debate on going home but now that I'm out, I might as well make the most of it. So I ride around the kingdom, not having a particular place in mind. As I approach the outskirts, I happen upon a magnificent house. The architecture is incredible and I find myself stopping to admire it.

I know it's a bit peculiar that I have an interest in such things considering I live in an actual palace. However, I've always had an inclination towards simpler life; it's something I picked up from my mother. See, the king isn't really my 'dad' just the man my mother married—rather he married her. I didn't always live there and it's always seemed a bit too posh for me.

This house is on the larger side but I can feel the love in each brick as I stare at it. This isn't just your ordinary, run of the mill, mansion. There's a history to it that's obvious to anyone with an eye for art. I smile to myself as I think of the family that could possibly live there. My thoughts are ceased by the sound of hooves and I see it gets Sav's attention too.

I turn to see a carriage coming down the dusty road and I squint as I move to get out the way. The colors come into focus and my eyes widen as I realize it's a royal carrier. I look around and spot an opening in the bushes. Without thinking I guide us into it and hop off Savannah to better conceal myself. I can still see the front door from here but they can't see me.

I let out a sigh of relief as I watch the guards approach the door, not turning in my direction. This had been going on for days, I should've remembered. David, my brother, has been looking for his 'lost princess' since the ball ended. Apparently he thought she was his soulmate and he's been going around town with a shoe she somehow left behind.

I mean how stupid is that? Set aside the fact that she just continued practically barefoot but also on his part. She either doesn't want to be found, if she left in such a hurry that she forgot her shoe, or she's just an ordinary girl. He tends to go off on little side quests like this all the time, that's why it slipped my mind. Ferdinand lets him do anything he wants pretty much.

A small part of me is excited for him though. Maybe this girl is really something special and turns out to be his true love. I presume this is their last stop since it's the last house, practically on the border. I raise my head as I hear knocks and soon after the big double doors open. I smile widely as I see her, standing there all fancy in a nice dress.

She speaks to the guards so sweetly, nothing like how she sounded to me. I assume she's heard about them coming around and is being extra nice in hopes that someone in her household is the mystery girl. I stifle a giggle as she curtsies to them, thinking it's silly how much people seem to respect them. Even when I first met them I was never so formal but then again, that was excused due to me being a child.

Then I realize, I'm technically 'one of them'. A sense of dread falls over me, despondency taking root in my heart. When she finds out I'm a princess, will she begin to behave this way around me? I was terrified when she removed my mask that night at the party. I feared that she would recognize me immediately and tense up like everyone always does.

It brought back memories of my childhood, never being able to keep friends—not real friends. There were the ones that befriended me because of what I could offer. Play dates in a real castle, luxuries that they may have otherwise never been privy to. Then there were those that shut me out completely.

It was typically because they were scared of the king, maybe hearing stories from their parents. He was in fact a cruel man, though he's mellowed a bit over time. Looking back, I can't really blame them as they didn't know any better. I didn't even notice it much at the time until he 'lovingly' pointed it out to me at dinner once.

Ever since that night, I resided to being the quiet girl. I didn't interact much with people and soon they stopped trying. I didn't know much but I knew I didn't want to be used in the way Ferdinand said. Which has led me to now, having no friends or social interaction besides those within the castle walls. Even that communication is scarce since they act like I don't exist.

So maybe that's why Madonna is so thrilling to me, she's an outside connection. She's alluring, mysterious, and I actually think she's quite charming. My mother always talked to me about boys and finding my 'Prince Charming' but I've grown to realize that's not what I want. I've always known I was a bit different but never thought much of it.

Now I know exactly what it is. I'm the type of woman that prefers the company of other women. Not in the way that people have 'girlfriends' you know friends that are girls, no I don't mean that at all. I mean that when I see my future, all I want is to be held by a woman. I want to build a life with the person I love and that feels like more of a fairytale than the ones I was read as a child.

Soon enough they all disappear into the house and I take this as my opportunity to leave. I hop back on Sav and we turn around, heading full speed through the borderlands until arriving at the castle. With all that is weighing on my heart, all I desire is to lay in bed and that's exactly what I do until dinner. Retiring to my room directly after finishing my meal and falling into a dreamless slumber.

Little did she know, she hadn't been so discreet in her departure and was now on a certain redhead's radar...