In and Out of Time

bludgeoned by circumstance

For the past few weeks I've been sneaking out to see Madonna. Sometimes we meet at the fountain which has become our secret safe haven. However, I have been to her house a few times but only under the cover of night. We meet in the garden as it seems we both share an affinity for nature. Today is one of those days.

Though we met earlier, our conversation was cut off by her need to get home. She'd forgotten something she had to do, apologizing and insisting I meet her tonight to continue. I, of course, did not protest and so I slip out my room with adrenaline coursing through my veins. No matter how many times I do this, there is no absence of thrill.

As I reach the base of the stairs and turn to make my way outside, a door opens to my right. My father exits and his tired gaze lands on me, eyes widening slightly. A woman comes out behind him and my face falls, tears brimming my eyes. It's the same woman from that dreadful night, one that almost made me lose my belief in love.

My father quietly urges her to leave and she goes to protest until she sees me. A quiet scoff reaches my ears as she passes, followed by a harsh brush of our shoulders. How dare she be cross with me? My father's secretive endeavors have nothing to do with me. I hear the door softly close behind her before I meet his eyes again and where once exhaustion lay, fury had born.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" He asks harshly, "me?" I quip in reference to the encounter I just witnessed. "Do not take up that tone with me" he warns but I dismiss his heeding, opting instead to show my displeasure by way of rolling my eyes. "I'm going out" I state as I try to walk past him but he moves to block my path.

"No daughter of mine will display such blatant disrespect" my jaw drops, eyes widening at his statement. "Oh now I'm your daughter? Fitting that you only claim me when 'discipline' is in order" I scoff and he raises his eyebrows in shock. Out of the countless times we've had disagreements, not once have I dared to actually speak my mind.

Therefore, his shock is warranted and very satisfying to me. "How dare you speak to me this way? You have no right" he exclaims, "it seems I have no rights at all under this roof" I quip and he's momentarily stunned. "What is this nonsense you're on about?" He asks, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms.

"You know very well what I mean. You never treated me fairly from the beginning but since mom died-" "do not speak of your mother with this tone" he interjects and that just felt like the last straw. How dare he tell me how I can speak about my mother? "Oh fuck off. You never gave a damn about her" I seethe, "excuse me?" His tone takes a menacing turn as he comes closer to me but I don't back down.

"I know you had an affair with that same woman that left here tonight. I told her when I first saw and she did nothing about it. Despite how much of an impotent man you are, she stuck beside you. And since she died you haven't been the same. God forbid you actually show some sort of affection or at least respect" I allow myself to get everything off my chest, not holding back.

"Respect is earned and right now... you're pushing it" he warns but I'm nowhere near done with ripping him a new one. "Please, spare me. You haven't earned my respect either and besides, what did David have to do to gain your respect, hm? It was simply enough for him to be born a male—or is that fact that he's biologically yours" I taunt him, ready to hear whatever bullshit response he can come up with.

"You know that's not true" he dismisses and I widen my eyes in amazement at his ability to lie so effortlessly. "You don't give a rat's ass about me and even worse now that David is set to rule. I—well I could die and you wouldn't-" "ok that's enough! I'm done entertaining this nonsense. You will return to your room and remain there until I see fit" he demands and I cross my arms.

"You'll have to have someone drag me then and lock me in there because otherwise—there's no way in hell I'm doing that" I argue and he huffs in frustration. "God you're stubborn just like Harriet" he grumbles, "do not speak of my mother that way" I fume. "It's not my fault you have her attitude" he smirks, purposefully trying to provoke me and he succeeds.

"I don't have to listen to this. I'm leaving" I brush past him, hitting his shoulder harshly and making my way to the door. As my hand turns the knob, his words send a chill up my spine. "If you leave, you will not be welcome in this house anymore—so think long and hard about your little rebellion. You won't last a day out there by yourself. You're nothing more than invalid, you and I—and everyone else knows that" he spews.

I pause for a second, his words hitting me in all the right spots. "Have fun with your new family. I hope your whore makes you happy" I scoff before slamming the door, determined to make my last words something he won't soon forget. I get a few steps from the house and tears flood my cheeks. I'm determined to prove him wrong but I don't even know where to go.

I realize during all this I'd completely forgotten about the fact that I was supposed to meet Madonna. Well, I can figure this all out later. I need the distraction and I don't want her to think I just abandoned her so I make my way there. The entire time my mind replays everything that just happened on an agonizing loop. What the hell am I going to do?