The assassinator

12

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TW: ⚠️ SUICIDE, MENTION OF SELF HARM+EXTREME DEPRESSION. INJURY, AND PYSCHOSIS!!!⚠️

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6/17/24

Amara

"Snaire! Snaire! Wake up. Amara. Wake up." A voice yells, but it comes out muffled and far away. "We're losing her! Shit, somebody!"

My ears ring, and my body aches non-stop. My breathing only starts to get worse as I remember bits of what happened, I remember the look on Kaiden's face before I got knocked out, and I remember bits and pieces of Camilla's screams of terror. I fought until I couldn't. I fought with all I had in me, with all I could handle, but it still wasn't enough. I still wasn't enough to defend my own brother, I still couldn't protect my family. After all the training and sacrifices, I still can't help them. I can't save them. I never have, and I never can. Because I'm going to die. I'm going to bleed out and die, at the hands of my supposed best friend.

He was always sweet. We told each other everything. He arrived at the company around five years old, and when I joined, he was fourteen while I was thirteen. He took care of me while my thigh healed. He helped me through panic attacks, and he helped me get better for the most part. He knew when to cheer me up, and he knew when to laugh at me. He was my first ever best friend. I mean, growing up, I didn't have any. I was a weird kid. I didn't like things they liked, I was always too bossy or too overprotective over what I liked or cared about. I didn't fit in, and I never have. But Darius made me feel like I fit in. He made me feel like I wasn't so strange.

He was there before Fawn. He was the first person to show me it was okay to be me. And now, the physical wound he helped heal, he re-opened for the sacrifice of himself. The mental problems I had that had healed so much from when we met are now opened, too.  Because I can't trust him, or maybe even anyone. One of the people I trusted most and cared for betrayed me. Arguments are one thing, but he stabbed me, shot me, and killed my brother right in front of me. He put himself and the company first, instead of the person I thought he at least loved platonically. Maybe I didn't help him enough. Maybe I was never a good enough friend for him.

Or maybe I wasn't strong. Maybe when I overcame cutting, it wasn't enough. Maybe I still wouldn't be able to handle myself. Maybe when I swore that I could defend my family, I lied. Maybe that was just to shove it in my face that I'll never heal anybody, I'll never protect anybody, and I most importantly, will never save anybody. Maybe he knew that it would break me. Maybe he did it on purpose just to make me lose hope in anything I ever wanted.

And maybe.. He was right.

I have no faith. I can't trust anyone. I can't picture Fawn and be happy. I can't breathe without feeling the burning chest in my legs and shoulder. I can't even think of Darius Cal without wanting to vomit. And maybe, just maybe, it's not even worth living. Maybe I'd be better off alone. Dead. Right where I was when I was taken. They took me physically alive, but they drained the last bit of spirit I had in me. And slowly, I died. Not physically, but mentally. My brain started getting more complicated, and I started driving myself into madness. I started questioning reality, questioning if I should even be here.

Darius stepped into the light and saved me, but now he left me in the dark with every problem I had before. Now I think I really am psycho. I think of every moment I faded, but I was too blind to notice. I held onto the good things. I held on so hard that I didn't even feel the bad stuff anymore. And now that all I feel is bad, that's all I notice. I remember every single draining moment, every time the light slipped straight from my fingers.

Like now, where I feel myself slipping away as people call for me. Until a desperate scream echos through my ears, a sobbing Fawn begging for me to wake up. "Wake up, Mara. Please, babe, please. I'll make you all your favorite foods! We can kiss, we can cuddle extra in the morning."

I try to push through the pain, trying to slow my breathing as I clamp my eyes shut. She grabs onto my hand, and I calm more, the overwhelming negative thoughts shoving through me.

I deserve this.

"Amara! Wake up, I love you!" Fawn calls out.

I deserve this.

Fawn kisses my hand, sobbing. "Please don't die, please. I'll blow this whole place up if you do."

I deserve this.

Fawn cries more, and I feel her shuffling around, probably kneeling to me on the floor. "If you die, so do I. Not even one bit of me is worth it if you are gone."

And that's all it takes. As I gasp for air desperately, I finally breathe steadily as my eyes open to stare at the ceiling.

Fawn gasps and hugs me tightly, her sweet scent filling my nose as I cling to her. "Amara, please. Don't go, don't go, Amara. You can't go, too." She sobs.

I hold onto her sadly, clutching her shirt as I begin to cry, too. I try to mumble out responses, but they come out in bits, not making any sense whatsoever.

She just continues to hold me close, and in the corner of the room, I see a teary-eyed Rowan.

I see his puffy and sunken eyes, along with his sad frown instead of a playful smirk. "You fucking scared us, bitch.." He mumbles.

I almost laugh a little. The pain in my body is not nearly as bad as it was when I got shot. I look around the room and search for the whiteboard, trying to figure out what date it is.

My eyes finally land on the thick black writing, and my heart sinks when I stare at it. "June.. seventeenth." I mumble through gritted teeth.

Fawn looks at the calendar, trying to grab my jaw to make me look at her. "That doesn't matter, Mara. It's okay, you're here now." She tries to cheer me up. No, no. Not June.

I shake my head, "N-no.. I-it's not r-right.." I choke out, my throat sore.

Rowan only cries a bit, "We're sorry, Amara.." He mumbles.

I wince as I think of what must have happened, and I try to sit up before Fawn stops me. "No, no. Not without an escort." She pauses, a devastated look in her eyes. "I... I'll grab.. Uhm... Jay..."

I eye her suspiciously, "I hate Jay.. Why not Mr. Martin?"

Fawn winces, her eyes becoming even sadder. Rowan notices and shakes his head, "He..."

"He what. Where is Mr. Martin?" I question, a bit angry now. Tears start to form, and I begin to get dizzy.

Fawn begins to cry again, "He's.. gone, Amara.."

Gone.

"Why is everyone gone?" I manage to mumble before leaning back and hyperventilating non-stop.

Gone.

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a/n: NO HAPPINESS EVERRRR🔥🔥🔥🔥😜😜😜

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