Heather

Leap of faith

Chapter 10

*Then*

I was at my wit's end throughout Friday. I expected Matteo to make his presence known to me again. Every time the elevator opened up; I thought it was him. Thankfully that didn't happen, the disappointment of it was harrowing. He is my boss, this line that separates him and me will not go away. Over the weekend I watched a bunch of feel-good movies and ate disappointment away. With that, the Elevator Stranger chapter was closed for me. I can finally focus on work and the reason I fled New Shire. I haven't switched on my old phone but last, I remember it had hundreds of missed calls from Lan, Mr. & Mrs. Austin and barf-face. I didn't want to talk to any one of them. But I miss Lan so I messaged him on Instagram and he replied in an instant. And my new phone was ringing in the next.

"What are you doing in Seattle, do you know how much Mom, Dad and I are worried about you? Why would you run away? Why?"

His voice carries his anger and pain. I can't imagine how betrayed he must feel, I have been gone for a month, with no contact. Guilt and shame drown me. What have I done? In my anger and stubbornness, I hurt my little brother.

"I am sorry." Tears choke my voice.

"I don't want your sorry, heath. Come back home right now."

"Lan I can't do that."

"Why not? I'll talk to Dad; he won't force you to work for him or all the extra security details he wants for you. Please, Heath, come back, mom has not eaten more than a few morsels a day since you left, she's not okay. We miss you."

"I am so sorry that I am hurting you and your parents but Lan if I come back, I'll only bring more trouble to their doorstep. They don't need that after all they've done for me."

"Heath, they are your parents too, why can't you get that through your thick head." I don't know the right answer. They are my adoptive parents, but I have never been able to accept them as family, not like Lan did. I have held onto the memories of my childhood and the pain. When I sleep at night the hollowed face of my mother haunts me, when I hear the word dad, I remember my father, the one who taught me how to ride a bike, who braided my hair. Those memories have stopped me from letting the Austins into my heart. The pain my parents left me with, I don't think I can handle it all over again. Realistically I know Austins aren't like my parents, but I am very much a result of their trauma.

"Lan, please tell them I am okay. And take care of them. They are great people, but I can't come back, this is the life I want. Far away from my past."

"Is this you cutting ties from us?" I can hear his sobs and my eyes water. My heart breaks even at the thought of losing him, he's the best thing that happened to me, a reason that's kept me going every day since my mother died. I can't lose him. I refuse to.

"No, I could never do that, you are my brother Landon, my family. All I need is a chance to build a life away from the crazy asylum I was raised in before I met you."

"I hate that you can't do that here, but I won't stop you, don't forget me, Sis.", "I couldn't even if I tried"

We ended the call with a promise to keep him updated, although he no longer needed it now that he had hacked into my new life, starting with my phone.

The weekend in summation was emotionally exhaustive. It was a big wave of sadness between throwing away all my fantasies and talking to Lan. Maybe that is why, when Rayleigh made some nasty comment about my disheveled appearance it was met with agonizing ignorance. It ticks her off even that isn't enjoyable. My weekend had done me one good, I wasn't fixated on that damned elevator anymore and generally disinterested. That is why when Matteo visited our floor, I barely notice the silence that sweeps over the floor or the renewed voiceless chatters, I don't notice Rayleigh's high-pitched voice greeting him or Jonah's gruff niceties. Their voices are background noise one overlooks. My weekend served as a bitter medicine because I was hyper-focused on the figures in front of me.