Made a mess of the room in your heart

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𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐲

𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

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Eddie

Since Buck's been on my mind a lot lately in the last few months, I haven't had a chance to remember Shannon and visit her grave in a while. 

The last time I visited her was when I saw Buck with Amelia at the cemetery months ago.

"Dad! I packed a bag full of graham crackers. Do you think mom would want some s'mores?" Chris yells from where he standing against the kitchen counter where he's packing a DIY s'mores kit.

Shannon used to have a s'mores tradition with Christopher and I'm continuing on that tradition even though she's not here anymore.

"I think so." I yell while I finish doing the laundry which was totally not Carla's responsibility then pick up one of Amelia's skirts at the bottom of the bin.

I wonder where this came from?

I swear Amelia packed all her clothes in her bag to go home when Buck was released from the hospital.

"What'cha got there?" Chris exclaims as he walks in with his crutches and a lunch bag that I assume has our snacks in it for the trip to the cemetery. 

"Amelia must've left this in your laundry the last time she was here a month or so ago." I hold up the lilac skirt that was in the bottom of the bin. 

"We should go see Buck and Amelia after we visit mom. You could get her skirt back and I could show Amelia the new switch game Aunt Soph gave to me last weekend," Chris exclaims brightly with a smile on his face as if he is a genius with an idea.

I haven't told my son that Buck and I are ignoring each other.

Chris has been busy with school and clubs. He hasn't asked to see Amelia in a while since they go to the same school now.

Or it's the fact that I told him I can't commit to a relationship right now and fuck I'm terrified of what's going to happen in the future with our kids. My anxiety is so bad after I had my first panic attack that I can't give Buck the committing relationship he wants to be in. 

"I don't think so, bud. Buck and I had a 24 hour shift yesterday. He needs to rest his leg too," I mention even though the most work Buck has been doing lately is clipboard or desk work. 

Cap hasn't cleared him to go back to calls and medical, at least I don't think so yet. Also, I think Cap is hesitant about putting him back on calls because he hit me with a crutch when he was introduced to Tommy.

Tommy is a really sweet guy who is easy to talk to and also has panic attacks. He's given me some really great advice about my sexuality and if I should come out or should feel like I want to. He's also really good with kids apparently he has 5 nieces and 1 nephew. At least that's what he told me at lunch the other day while Buck was restocking the back of the truck.

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