Breaking again (Jacob Black)

Chapter Twelve

"You had better fix things with her or I swear to god I will kick your ass"

What the hell? Why is Rachel yelling?

Rachels voice woke me and as soon as I opened my eyes I wished I hadn't. The bright light streaming through the window had me wincing.

"Oh god"

I groaned as I tried to roll onto my back. My mouth felt like sandpaper and my head felt as if a jack hammer was on the loose inside it.

"Damn it Rachel would you back off"

I froze when I heard Jacobs voice and finally took the time to take in my surroundings

"Shit!"

I cursed silently. I was in Jacobs bed and from the sounds of it he was right outside the door. Last nights events vaguely began to come back to me and I grew more and more uncomfortable being here. I didn't know what I was going to say to him and to be honest I didn't know how I'd react to seeing him sober.

Sober.

Damn it! I messed up. I had been doing so well and I threw all my progress away because I couldn't control my damn emotions. I could feel my eyes beginning to well up and just as I reached up to wipe away them the door opened and Jacob stepped inside the room.

"Nat?"

In a panic I quickly sat up and immediately regretted it when my head felt like it was about to explode and my stomach began to churn. Just seeing him again was bringing up feelings that were confusing me. Part of me just wanted to be in his arms and tell him I forgive me but the other side of me was still pissed and not ready to forgive and forget. I opened my mouth to ask him how I ended up in his bed when I felt the contents of my stomach begin to push their way upwards. Clamping my hand over my mouth I leapt out of his bed and almost immediately my legs gave way beneath me, before I could hit the ground Jacob caught me and began to lead me to the bathroom. Every nerve in my body was on end at his touch but I ignored it as I collapsed to my knees and hurled into the toilet. My throat burned as the whiskey and bile spilled into the bowl, Jacob stood behind me holding my hair back and once I was done he handed me a towel and helped me to my feet.

"Are you okay?"

He murmured as he helped me back into his room and into his bed, I tried to wriggle out of his arms but he kept a firm grip on me so I gave up and let him lead the way. The tension was thick between us and when we entered his room he shut the door behind us making me feel trapped.

"Uh there's a bottle of water and some asprin beside the bed if you need it"

As he spoke he let me slip from his grasp and I immediately went for the water but still refusing to look at him. I was afraid I'd break and give in, that I'd too easily forgive him and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to be weak.

I gulped down half the bottle as I'd just finished running a marathon before making an attempt to tidy myself up, well my hair at least.

"Nat"

I could feel my heart beginning to pound in my chest. I guess it was now or never, I had to face him. My breath hitched in my throat when I saw his tear filled eyes.

"Nat I'm so sorry"

He was pulling at my heartstrings but I had to stand strong. He made an attempt to reach for me but I stepped away.

"Nat I know sorry isn't going to cut it but please believe me when I say that I regret my stupid decisions and I am so sorry for hurting you, again"

His voice was cracking with every word he spoke making it harder for me to keep the wall up around my heart.

"Why? Why did you do it? Why did you leave me? You felt the pain of being seperated, I know you did"