Letters to Violet (girlxgirl)

Letter About Our Sleepover

Dear Violet,

You returned home a few days ago and slept over last night, not just the two of us but it was still great. It was awkward though as soon as she walked out... I was comfortable in the silence but I'm not sure if you were.

And you told us what you'd done expecting us to judge you, waiting for the harsh words that never came. I'm ashamed to say those sorts of things never bugged me.

You did though. You and your gorgeous muscular arms and back in your tank top. We all fell asleep but in the morning I woke before you and her and I just stared.

Your pretty round cheeks, long eyelashes and hair waving lightly across your forehead. You were even prettier than I remembered and yet the blanket of silence from before and my coupled adoration makes me sure that I need to overcome my love.

I sound like a twelth century romantic. Gross. Sorry. I just... You are so lovely and funny and smart.

And I can't believe how happy you make me even now as we are just friends. I remeber showing you videos and you laughed at them and that felt so great; that I had done that. I had made you laugh with my silly sense of humour and skit videos from one of my favorite youtubers.

I don't want to give too much away and expose more about me than I should but... I can't help it. Every aspect of me just brings a memory of you and every memory of you reminds me of something about myself.

But it's not meant to be. I get it. It hurts like hell but I get it.

One day you'll be happily married to some man with an high IQ and useful degree and you'll have two darling kids and a house full of cats. It's kind of funny to imagine this because I've always wanted a cat. We might have been cat ladies together for eternity but instead I'll have to settle with an invite to your wedding one day.

Someday I hope you'll remember me or something about me, maybe have a flashback of me pretending I can dance on the pavement like those old clips we made, and it'll remind you of how much I cared about you. Maybe you'll even wonder yourself at my caring and how you didn't notice the sparkle in my eyes around you before we all left.

You started encouraging me to study near you the other day and a little piece of me hopes it's because you love me back or in the very least will miss me when I leave. But we're not as close as we used to be and I don't think we understand each other like we used to. I don't know how to fix that but I wish I could; I wish we could be those friends. The ones with irritating cooperative banter and the ones who get up to mischief and have spontaneous nonsensical fun. Oh how I wish that was us.

But I guess you can't always get what you wish for right? And you are one wish I know will not come true.

Is it selfish of me to wish you with me? To tear you away from your circles and into mine and remove you from the extravagant lifestyle that universities keep offering you for little to no cost? I'm sure it is. That makes me immeasurably unhappy.

But at the same time that I wish for this I also wish for your happiness. I hope one day that you'll be famous or held in high regard for your work and life. I hope you find a good kind of love in which your infatuation with each other is equal and never ending. Because how can I wish you anything but the best and still claim to be your friend and well in love with you for that matter.

I kind of miss you now. Even though you were just here and we spoke barely a few hours ago but still. This "crush" will be the end of me I swear it.

Love,
Me