Sold (Christian Romance)

Chapter Twenty Six

Sisi laid unconscious on the hospital bed. The Doctor had said they had done their best with the surgery and there was nothing else they could do. Remi sat beside her, her hand trapped in his. She had been unconscious for two weeks, two full, agonizing, stressful, week.

Abigail had been given a befitting burial. He had cried his eyes out. He wasn't even ashamed to cry. He was falling apart. The thought of losing Sisi almost drove him mad; he had lost too many people already.

“My love” He whispered. He drew close and brushed her forehead. “I need you to come back to me. Please come back to me” He kissed her palm. “Don't die on me. Don't leave me like this.” A tear slipped down his cheek. “Please, don't leave me like this”

He couldn't bear to think of his life without her. He loved her, he needed her. He wanted to protect her and now, he could. Chief was dead. He could be with her, finally.

“Remi” He heard her soft whisper. He jerked his head up and looked at her.

“My love” He smiled, fighting the urge to leap for joy. “My beautiful, beautiful Sisi” He touched her face.

“Aby, she is dead and it is all my fault.” Tears filled her eyes.

“Don't, don't cry. It has nothing to do with you.” He brushed her cheek. “Don't you dare blame yourself.”

“Why won't God just let me die?!” She moaned.

He gripped her hand. “Because I love you, because he knows I need you, because I can't afford for you to die. Call me selfish...” He smiled. “Because I am crazy about you. Nothing that happened is your fault. Chief is dead, he killed himself” Relief flashed through her eyes briefly. “Now, get well so we can go home.” He kissed her hand but she said nothing.

..........

Sisi closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Everything was falling apart. Jummy had died, Abigail had died. People were dying all around her and it was all her fault. If only she had convinced Remi to let Jummy stay with them, if only Abigail hadn't tried to save her from Chief, they would all still be alive. Every one Sisi came in contact with, everyone she came to love, everything she touched was being destroyed.

Someone touched her head. She opened her eyes to see a doctor leaning over her.

“She seems fine” He smiled. “And she is healing nicely”

Her eyes travelled to Remi who sat nodding his head beside her.

“Thank you, Doctor” He said, smiling.

She watched him, tears filling her eyes. She didn't deserve Remi, she didn't deserve a man who loved her the way he did, a man who respected her, who cared for her, who didn't blame her for the death of his closest friend; Abigail, a good man, a godly man.

Remi's faith reminded her too much of what she had lost. It pointed a light to her darkness and made her see things she didn't want to see; She was a horrible person, used and abused, angry, unforgiving, hateful, confused and lost. She was angry at the world for what it gave to her and what it took from her. She was angry at her parents for what they did to her. She was angry at Chief for ruining her life. She was angry at God for standing by and letting it all happen.

Tears slipped down her cheek. She had lost so much, too much. She had lost her very essence. She didn't even know who she was anymore. She had been imprisoned for too long, she didn't know how to be free anymore and worst of all, she admitted to herself as a soft sob escaped her lips, she could never be with Remi. She was destined to die alone and miserable. 

“Sisi” He touched her hand. “My love, you need to stop crying” His voice was comforting. She cried some more and he rose up. He leaned over her, concern etched on his beautiful face. His eyes were swollen; obviously from being deprived of sleep, his hair was scattered and his beards was in desperate need of shaving. “What is really wrong, Sisi?”

She stared at him, his eyes filled with compassion. His warm gaze melted her heart. How was she going to walk away from the love of her life? But how was she going to stay with him, knowing who she truly was, knowing she could never be the woman he deserved?

“Remi” She whispered.

“Hm?” He held her gaze.

“I can't go home with you. ” She paused and watched for his reaction. He said nothing. She took a deep breath and continued. “I don't know how to be the woman you deserve. ” She took a deep breath once more. She couldn't even think of the right words to explain to him why she felt the need to leave.

He stared at her, his features saying nothing about what was going on inside his head.

“Remi” Her voice shook. “Say something”

“I'm just trying to understand what you mean. You want to be away from me? You speak about the woman you think I deserve and I'm confused. So, I'm sorry for my silence but I'm trying to listen and understand what you are saying” He said, his eyes fixed on her.

“I don't know anymore” She rubbed her forehead.

He let go of her hand and sat back down. Diverting his gaze, a muscle worked in his jaw.

“I'm too broken to be fixed” She managed. “I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm afraid. And no matter how much I try to convince myself other wise, all of these things will pile up one day and I'll end up pushing you away. We don't believe in the same things, we are too different and our difference will ruin us” Tears ran down her face. Her heart was being torn apart but she knew it was the right thing to do. Remi didn't deserve a woman like her.

..........

Remi listened to every word that proceeded out of Sisi's mouth and he felt his heart being broken. She was leaving him. His greatest fears was finally coming to pass; he was losing her.

“My love” He wanted so much to convince her to stay with him, to promise her that nothing could push him away. But, she was right. They were two different people. Perhaps too different and they were going to two completely different directions. “You need to heal” He nodded his head in understanding.

“I'm sorry” She said but he was the one who was sorry. He was the one who was losing the love of his life. He was the one who was crazy enough to let her go.