A Life Wasted

Home

It was a long way home, but I managed it without incident.  That I managed to travel the distance without being seen is a testament to how rugged an area we live in.  It's mostly woods.  There are very few cleared fields, few houses, and fewer roads.  The only real tricky point was crossing the large Alleghany River.  I was not willing to risk crossing the one bridge in the area, so it was fortunate I knew about a rail road bridge in a remote area.  That bridge was many miles out of my way, but I was able to cross it without being seen.

My plan had always been to set up camp deep in the woods a few miles from home.  At first I did just this.  My camp was in a low area in the bend of a brisk creek.  Having not bathed in weeks I stripped down and bathed in the creek.  It was cold beyond words, but felt great none the less.  Having the foresight to build a fire before going into the water I managed to avoid frostbite. 

After cooking a dinner of macaroni and cheese flavored with a Slim Jim I set down to relax and think.  I had no intention of going home.  At least I didn't plan on going home until December 31st.  Yet as I sat there I couldn't think about anything else other than going home to see my family.  So that's what I did.  I put out my fire, left my camp set up and went home.

Going home was a mistake.  A huge mistake.  I could make a long list of reasons why this was stupid.  The top twenty reasons on that list would involve the danger I would bring on my family by going home.  But I wasn't thinking right.  I wasn't thinking about anything at all other than being with Mary and our children.  So I made my way through the woods and just after dark walked in the yard to a barking dog.  The dog was my old friend Lady.  She soon recognized me and nearly knocked me down with her affection.  My wife and children followed.  I was home.

I'm going to skip over the details here, but not much time passed before I convinced Mary to uproot our family and go with me on the run.  This was the stupidest thing I have ever done.  It was the worst thing I have ever done to my family.  In a life time of selfish acts, this was my most selfish.  Of all the things I have trouble forgiving myself over, this is at the top of that list.  I say all of this to ensure everyone understands that I understand without qualification that I should not have done this.  No harm came to my family from this horrible decision, but it could have.  They could have been hurt while I was apprehended.  Mary could have been arrested.  I was so selfish that I put those I love most at risk.  For this there is no excuse.  My family has forgiven me but I don't deserve their forgiveness.

Emily was married and her husband a Coast Guardsman stationed in Brunswick, Georgia, so she was there with her family.  Clay was the next oldest, seventeen at the time, and the rest of our kids stair stepped down to Hope, who was six at the time.  (It's ironic that as I write this, twenty-three-year-old Hope is still in the hospital after having had her first baby last night). So Mary, our eight youngest children, the family dog Lady, and I all piled into our van and left our home.  Thus I committed the great sin of dragging my family into my nightmare and into possible danger.

If you've been following this story through the comments and responses, you will have noticed that my oldest daughter Emily hasn't communicated with me in years.  We are at the point in the story where she cut me out of her life.  Given what I did here it is easy to understand her position.