a teaspoon of honey

on why i hate writing

Writing can be pretty darn frustrating at times.

And by frustrating I mean you want to take your writing device and fling it out the window and pull out a gun and shoot it midair till it's mere smithereens and then pull out a flamethrower and watch it go down in flames and then scream your guts out because you have nothing left inside you anymore.

So yeah, pretty frustrating.

And some of you will know that I have a bit of writer's block now and it SUCKS. Truthfully, I never really understood writer's block before, I just thought it was some excuse writer's made because they're too lazy to put words on paper.

(karma coming back to bite me)

For real though! I had a really bad bout of it a couple of years earlier after which I ended up deleting my first version of Ropes. So I know just how bad it can get. But after 48 chapters of whirlwind updates, my brain is finally crashing.

AND ITS SO FRUSTRATING.

And being the nerd that I am, I endeavored to reach a scientific conclusion as to why writer's block actually happens, and ive reached the following hypotheses, which apply to me, at least.

1) LIFE. can get very overwhelming at times and lately, ive been so knackered that I barely get proper sleep or food. An migraines just about destroy me. Even tea isn't much help, and ive just been trying to deal but I AM SO BLOODY EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME.

2) COMMITMENT. I started this book in February of 2013. That's four years ago. 4 years is a long time to invest in something that may never even end up being everything you want it to be. That's four years of my life I cannot take back. I don't remember a time when I wasn't writing it, tbh, and there's still so much left! It may even go into next year! And then there's editing! New drafts! The agony of being a writer is so bloody painful!

3) HATERS. Thankfully, Alhamdulillah, I don't have much of these. But even if I were to get ten good comments and one bad one, I will still focus on the bad. It's a bad habit of mine, and one im trying to come out of. It doesn't help that I write about such controversial topics.

4) WHEN PEOPLE LOSE INTEREST. This by far absolutely breaks my heart. My book is far from perfect, eons away really, and the saddest thing is when I see somebody reading fervently up until like, twenty chapters, and then they go away without a word. It destroys me. I cant even ask them to stay because I have no right. And tbh, I agree with them. Even I wouldn't stay after having read some of the things ive written.

5) I AM NOT AN AUTHOR. I am a med student. I have obligations. Most of which are looming above my head and are constant sources of stress and anxiety. Writing often helps, but I don't want to worsen it by stressing my body to put words onto paper when what I really need is proper sleep.

6) I DON'T WRITE ABOUT 'POPULAR THINGS'. I write about depression, bullying, death, homosexuality, drinking and drugs, nerds, medical school (lol), societal conformities, feminism and a whole host of other 'heavy topics' that people don't really want to read. There's hardly any romance in my book (so far) and I get that people don't like what I write. Still upsets me though, but what can I do.

7) IM LAZY.

Writing is damn hard work. Plotlines and storylines, character development, grammar, dialogue, timing, length, and so much more . . . it takes a world of effort to write just one chapter. It's bloody difficult. Writers literally break parts of their soul and stitch it into a book so that you might enjoy it. especially when this is all for free. Nobody's paying us through this madness—it is simply a spark of utter lunacy that pushes us through.

and the thing is, we dont just think about a story when we write it. our stories CONSUME US. they are our every waking thought. we are constantly playing out conversations and scenes in our head. we are always looking to real life for inspiration on the next big idea, or small. OUR STORIES TAKE OVER OUR MINDS AND IT IS SO DAMN FRUSTRATING WHEN WE CANT PUT THEM ON PAPER DAMMIT.

And truth be told, ive been so sad recently. For all the above reasons and more. I write because it helps me, and it helps other people, because I know how awful it is to be bullied and depressed and I KNOW that sometimes people won't understand you. Writing is such a wonderful, beautiful thing, so this is my attempt to remind myself, and all my other writer-friends, about why I love this maddening hobby so much.

1) It helps us connect to the world and actually make a difference, however small or insignificant it may seem.

2) We write the books we want to read.

3) We can live through a hundred stories and a thousand experiences.

4) There is nothing, NOTHING like seeing a little product of your soul out there in the world. Tangible evidence to prove that you did exist, once upon a time, and your existence meant something to you.

5) We write because that's what we do best. We write through our sorrows and our happiness and all the things that life has to offer us. We write because we can, because we've always resorted to a pen, or a keyboard, or another person's attentive ears. we write because we are artists, and story-tellers, and we love how much those two words mean to us.

Writing is so damn awful, but it's also wonderful, and a mere writer's block isn't going to stop me. I might cry, and break, and stutter out utter inadequacies, but somebody once said that when you can't get the good words out, let out the bad ones. Let them all flow. Eventually, the good ones will find their way onto the paper again. THAT'S how you deal with a writer's block. you don't wait for inspiration to strike, you buckle up and get those damn words out, even if you have to claw your eyes out to do it.

A SMALL REMINDER: please appreciate the hard work that your favourite authors put into their books. Be it poetry, fiction, romance . . . whatever it may be, the fact that they're taking time out of their LIVES and putting something up for you guys (for free) is something really wonderful. Nobody ever does things for free. Take advantage of their madness. Vote for their stories, leave comments (even a thank you would be lovely) and make sure you they know they're appreciated. We love you all so very much, and we wish we could personally hug each and every single one of you ♥

Take care, my loves. But before you leave, tell me:

How do you get out of writer's block? Or a lack of inspiration in general?

Be good, muffins.

Chu