Nutella Jar, Dewdrops and Sandy Beaches

Personalities

  People have different personalities. It may be due to their religion, culture, beliefs, ideals and most importantly, life experiences. Or it may simply be a trait they were born with that shapes up their personality.

  
   To discover one's personality on their own is a journey in itself. Some people have a bumpy journey, others may have it smooth. I, however, had a very bumpy journey discovering what my personality is. And I think I've reached to a point where I can say 'I know myself'. That's kinda relaxing and therapeutic to be honest.

    But it took me a long time, to finally find out who I was. From trying to fit into the 'The cool girls squad' at school to 'Running after every new trend' out there on social media, I made a lot of mistakes trying to discover myself.

  
   My first and worst mistake was to 'be like somebody'. I literally wanted to be like a few 'cool girls' at school who had a gang of their own and they were liked by everyone else plus they were favorites of some teachers too. I was so lost in this need of fame that one day when I was sat next to one of those girls (I was around 11 yrs old at that time) and asked... no that's the wrong word... requested her to take me in their famous cool girls gang and guess what was her reply.

"You don't have 'adverb' ", she said and laughed.

I was confused. I didn't get what she said. So I asked her, "What do you mean?"

  She said, "You don't have tameez" (that's how you say 'adverb' in Urdu). But the sentence actually means, "You don't have manners "

  Yup. That's exactly what she said and it scarred me so deep that I haven't forgotten that conversation to this day. I know, my school was pretty horrible. They raised monsters in there. Alhamdulilah I didn't become one.

   So you see, kids as young as 11 year olds being victims of the celebrity culture at schools. I'm disappointed to say but the teachers there followed the same celeb culture.

  Living in such an environment, I always aimed to be like someone else, until high school. After graduating from that 'trash of a school', I finally found out that I didn't need to be like anyone. I'm me and I can only be me if  I stop following others in their steps.

  Soon I found out that I all I needed to be was an obedient slave of Allah, to strive to be famous but only amongst the angels. And when this kind of mindset broke the chains of need of acceptance I found out that I'm a unique slave of Allah. My role in this life is unique. My trials are unique. My hardships are unique. My blessings are unique. My aims are unique. My personality is unique. I'm not like others and I don't need to be like others. This is the freedom we enjoy in Islam, this is the freedom, the gift of our Lord سبحانه و تعالى

   To try to be perfect at everything was another one of my mistakes. What was I thinking?! No one can be perfect at everything. That's why Allah doesn't want to see perfection in our deeds, He wants to see effort, as much effort as we can put in.

   But it frustrates you doesn't it? When you can't find out what you're perfect at, when you know that there's always someone who'll be better. It frustrated me a lot too. But soon I found out that I'm not perfect at everything but I'm the perfectly average . I knew that I was good at many things but what frustrated me was that I wasn't the best at them. It always gave rise to unnecessary competition. Until I realized that I'm the perfectly average one. Which means I'm good at many things at the same time although not the best but that's a very rare.

    Also, when I started comparing myself to the ones who were in my circle, like girls of my age, girls in my class, my family members of my age, I started getting disappointed in myself realizing that I haven't achieved what they had. Although we hate it when our parents start to compare us to others, sometimes it's us who is doing this to ourselves.