Nutella Jar, Dewdrops and Sandy Beaches

My Broken Friendships

Companionship is a human need. Allah created us in a way that we will require someone to make this journey of life with. And He acknowledges this need of ours and never disregards it out of the love for His slaves. Subhan Allah.

So I, as all human beings, had a thirst in me to have my own companion, my best friend. The urge inisde me to find my best friend was very strong in a very early age.

But sadly, as life never hands us everything on a silver platter, I was unable to find my best friend for many many years.

Of all the friendships I had at school, none lasted. Absolutely none.

From my first best friend who was in garde 5 to the last one in class 12, none were able to stick around.

Things happened that brought out the true colours in people around me.
My first best friend turned into my worst enemy, so much so that she wished of me to leave school just so she couldn't see my face anymore. She was one reason why I suffered 'til the last years of school.

People who befriended me or whom I befriended, later on became the biggest burdens in my life. All of them left me for someone else and hence I lost any sense of self worth.

People were also such that they planned and plotted on breaking my friendships. The minute they saw my friendship escalating with someone, their evil eye would launch onto my happiness and leave me ruined and alone. 

Yeah, my school was more of a torture cell!

I was left alone to the point that I needed to find people to sit with during recess else I'd look like the loner and I always had a feeling of being the third wheel when I sat with people who were close friends to each other. All the time, admiring their friendship and suffering with the emptiness, loneliness and weakness I felt deep inside me.

But the worst friendship was yet to come in the last year of my school life. I thought this friendship would be different but I was terribly wrong.

At the beginning she was annoying. She would use my school things without asking for permission first and would talk to me during class when the teacher be teaching something important. I began getting seriously annoyed by her but was too shy to tell her to back off and let me breathe.

As time passed, we adjusted into this unwanted friendship. She learned to change her ways with me a bit and I learned to have patience with her. I had no other choice.

She'd be extremely rude sometimes and had no sense of how her words were affecting somebody as sensitive as me.

"You look like you're a good student but to be honest you're not that intelligent"

She had said this to me and I remember feeling so ashamed and disrespected. Now I realise that she befriended me just because she thought I was a good student and would help her in her studies. I didn't give her a reply. I just ignored her and let it be. That was my biggest mistake.

She'd treat me as her second option just like I was treated in the rest of my friendships. She'd ignored my presence completely at times when she'd find someone more exciting to talk to. She'd use me for homework and other things and would still speak to me rudely at times when she'd not be in a good mood.

During the toughest part of my school life, when I was facing a downfall in my studies, this so called friend never even showed me support. Her attitude towards it was 'just get over it already!'. She wasn't serious about studies at that time. Also, I later found out that she wasn't even trustworthy when I found out that she had been telling my personal stuff to her other friends which I told her to keep secret.