The Secret (Magnolia Grove #4) - SERIES COMPLETE

Chapter 10 - {Cammie}

MY EYES FLUTTER open to the aroma of coffee filling my nostrils, and something about that makes everything inside of me warm. Not because I've suddenly started to like the stuff since being with Holden. It still has a horrible aftertaste. I've tried it a few times. He's even added all kinds of stuff to try to make it more appealing, but I just can't bring myself to taking it up. I cringe at the quick reminder of the bitterness. No. The reason the thought of coffee warms me is because it means he was here, that this isn't a dream. Every morning I wake up in disbelief this is all happening. It's hard to explain, but it's just comforting. I pull the covers up and close my eyes. Just a few minutes longer in this comfy bed.

That's when the feelings of joy are quickly replaced with dread. It's been a month since I moved from Oliver's apartment to here, from sharing a bed with him to sharing one with Holden. Maybe dread isn't the right word. Most mornings, I feel like a slut even though he was the one cheating on me. Even though if Holden hadn't pushed me away years ago, I would have never been with Oliver. Because if I'm honest with myself, every day that passes, I'm more and more convinced I'm right where I need to be. But regardless of these two men, it's been a month of being estranged from my parents because of my choice to call off the wedding and immediately move forward with this relationship. Is it a rebound? Am I rebelling? I've asked myself this what seems like a hundred thousand times. Each time, the answer is the same. I was shocked it was Holden in the cabana. There was a part of me that was angry thinking he was just playing more games with me the way he always has. But it's become clear each day this isn't a game to him. Although, he's clearly in it to win it. And by it, I mean me.

Maybe he didn't know how to do that when we were younger, but he's doing a damn good job now.

Being in this neighborhood, though, sharing a property with his mother, is sometimes more than I can handle. I'm not sure why I'm still here. Don't get me wrong, the place more than meets my needs. It's open with lots of windows. With rich colors, modern yet classic tapestries, it looks like it came straight from the pages of Cottage Living. I would know. I have a subscription. That reminds me. I need to change my address with them.

Opening my eyes, I survey the space. It's set up like a studio. There isn't a bedroom. The kitchenette is open to what is essentially a luxury living room with a bed in the middle. There's a cattycornered plush sofa and armchair with ottoman, which I love because sometimes, I don't want to be in bed to read or to watch the plasma television mounted over the fireplace. And to top it all off, there's a sleek, modern bathroom off to the side with a shower large enough for two people and a long bench stretching the length of the wall where Holden's sprawled me out and made sure he addressed every part of my body.

The best part is it has all the benefits of a studio apartment without neighbors on one side having sex all night, their headboard banging against my wall. Likewise, I don't have to worry about our neighbors hearing me scream Holden's name. Just his mother. Sigh.

As tempting as it is to stay here, to avoid facing reality a little longer, there's something strange about living on someone else's property. Especially when that someone else is the mother of whatever it is that Holden now is to me. And that someone else is my estranged mother's best friend. My mother who's not answered or returned a single call since the auction.

I expected that from Father, but not from her. My chin quivers and a tear runs down my cheek. That cut is the deepest, like it's gone straight through me. "I am not going to cry about this today." I say that every day. It doesn't work. The waterworks explode, and I muffle my cries in my pillow, going through all the scenarios I go through every morning when I'm trying to figure out how I can make everyone else—my parents—happy while maintaining my own contentment. Every day, I come to the same conclusion. It's impossible. So, I choose me. I choose Holden. I choose us because when I'm honest with myself, it's what I've always wanted. And when I said I didn't care about what people thought, in a way, what I meant was that I finally wanted to take what I want without a care in the world what others think about me.