The Boy Movie Brahms Heelshire x reader FanFic

Part 17 - Inside Brahms

I watch Y/N walk around my rooms.   She does it slowly, cautiously, as though she's still afraid of me.   Of what I might do.   That first time I caught her here,  I was furious.    Furious and ashamed that she'd seen the doll I made of her.    

Now, she's here because I let her in.   And she came when she might have run.   

She's found the doll.   The surrogate me.   The perfection I could never be.   I had to mend him.  To leave him broken was to abandon a part of who I am and what I was.   Through him I moved through her, and she into me.   He was the catalyst.

She wants to hold him.   Feel his comfort.   She's afraid he'll break.

I'm entranced by the way she moves, so feminine.  Graceful and vulnerable.   Everything about her fascinates me.  The need to possess is overpowering.   I don't know what I'd do if she left me now.  Would I even survive?

Oh, she's found Mr Tibbles, my old toy bear.   He was my one comfort so long ago after the fire.   I hugged him so much I wore off his fur.   He helped me with the pain.  My mother wanted to replace him after he got so worn and dirty but I couldn't allow it.   I close my eyes  at my own sentimentality.  What use old toys to a grown man.  Don't  I have her now?  Will she take away my pain?

She's seen me.   I didn't want to frighten her.   I just wanted to watch her because she's so beautiful to me.   

I walk forwards, slowly so as not to startle her.   I can't think of anything to say.  Words don't feel necessary.    She's so petite, I have to bend my head forwards to kiss the top of her head.   I can smell her even  beneath the mask, floral musk and her soft womanly scent. 

Do I dare hold her?   Will she pull away?   I stand there and don't know what to do.   I've never held a woman before.    There were only two of the women that my mother hired who ever saw me.   I tried to be good, but they screamed at the mask.   Called me names.   Shrieked at my parents and ran.

But Y/N doesn't seem afraid, or repulsed, so I take her in my arms and hold her close.   When she cuddles me back, I feel overwhelmed.    But I know what I want.   When she pulls away, I tell her.

"I want to kiss you, Y/N." 

I know she wants this, because she was the one who asked it of me.   But I can't let her see me.  She'll scream and run.   

I show her the blindfold and she understands.    After I tie it on, she looks lost, like a little girl playing blind man's bluff.   Trying to see with her hands.  Trying to reach me.   I can't let her touch me.  Not after I've removed the mask.

There's a storm coming over the house.   It startles her.  "It's OK, I'm here."  I tell her.   Then I come in close.   I need so badly to kiss her.   But I don't know how.   I don't know where to start.  So, I explore my options.  Using my senses to feel her.   

She looks so fragile.  As though she might break if I touch her.   When I come this close, I can barely breathe.   Her mouth is parted, perfect white teeth beneath lips that I long to devour.   She's breathless too, and the tension from her infects the tension in me.   My body responds as a man's should, and I'm so hard it's almost painful.  But this is not about that. This is about her.

I bring my face so close we almost touch, and the rush of desire makes me close my eyes.  My lashes brush her cheek and I hear her gasp.   Does she feel the same as I?   Does she feel the same desire?

Y/N inclines her head towards me and I think I'm right.    I bend to kiss her neck.   She opens up to me, like I'm a vampire she's agreed to die for.    The temptation to bite her gently must be overcome, this isn't about me.  It's about her.

 Her shoulders are quivering, so I put my hands there to still the trembling.  Oh, God, she's so soft, so fragrant and I want her so badly.    I wonder what it would be like to see her naked.   To run my mouth down and down...

The straps on her top are thin like laces.    I pull them down, gently, praying she won't slap my hands away.   But her head is tilted up, and she's murmuring my name.

I worry my kiss will be clumsy so I do small ones, here and there,  tasting her, savouring each one.   I want to crush my mouth on hers, but this seems to excite her, and seeing her this way excites me.   

Thunder crashes around us.   I fear it might scare her but she's moaning softly now, deep in her throat, and as her head falls back, I pull away, worried I've gone too far.

I watch her breasts heave up and down.   They're round and perfect, hard tipped.  She's wearing a long scarlet skirt to match her top.   She's so desirable my whole body hurts.

It's then that she reaches up to untie the blindfold.   I panic.  Rush forwards and grip her wrists.  She mustn't see me.  Not now.   The magic will be broken.  I can't let that happen.  Not ever.

I hold her arms out, high to the side, so that our bodies touch.  I can feel those breasts crushed up against me.   I know all about what men and women do, and the urge to do it is so strong I can't bear it.   But this is not about me.

It's then that I kiss her.    Kiss her in the only way I know how.   I feel her lips part, the hot hesitant probing of her tongue, and I'm lost in her.   All I can feel or ever want to feel is her mouth on mine and my name repeating like a refrain.   

We break, and I feel her saliva drying on my lips.   

"Brahms, let me see you, please..."  she begs.    But I can't.  Instead, I lead her to the bed.  Replace the mask and untie the  blindfold.  She nods.  She understands.  And in return, I ride my desire with a curb bit, just for her.  Tonight is just about the kiss. Nothing more.

With the storm receding, she lies down next to me,  and for the first time in my life I know what it is to love.