Sunshine - Part 65

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I learn a lot of tricks to help me live my life.  You helped me find my paradise.   When you came, you were like Sunshine through my window...that's what you are... my shining star.  Making me feel I'm on top of the world.   Telling me I'll go far... 
Gabrielle - Sunshine

You wait with bated breath as Brahms absorbs this revelation.     You watch the glitter of his eyes behind the mask as they shift from you to the boys then back again.  

 You've told the twins about  their father who lives across the ocean, that one day they'll meet him.  Because you always knew this day would come.   Knew you could no more live without this strange, fascinating man than survive without your own soul.   You feel  anxious.  Perspiration beads your forehead.    Will Brahms reject you all?    Will he be able to cope with this new, unexpected family thrust on him after being abandoned for so long?   Can he forgive you for leaving when you should never have gone away but instead persevered to prove how much you cared?

You try to form his name  but all that comes out is a slow exhalation.  Brahms steps closer, towering over you.    You fight to stop from squeezing the boys' hands because then you'll transmit your fear into them.   Slowly, you raise your face to stare directly into his eyes.  

Oh, if only you knew what he was thinking.   But you never do and never will.   He's the monster in the closet, the grasping hand beneath the bed.  He's Heathcliff and Byron, every anti hero you've ever read about.  He's your light.  Your life.  Your hell and your sunshine.  Your terror and passion. He's your Brahms.  

You watch, mesmerised, as he reaches up and slides away the mask.    The same dark soft curls bounce back onto his forehead.  You drink him in.   Strong, high cheekbones, thick brows, black lashes framing green irises the colour of oakmoss;  genetic markers your sons possess.   He's so the same you can't contain your emotions.   A broken sob hitches as tears well and spill.   Then Brahms has your face in his hands and his mouth on yours, and all is changed and yet the same, and  nothing  matters but the here and now.   

When he pulls away, you watch him glance down at the boys.    Instinctively, you release their hands and allow them the space to meet their father.   Brahms hunkers down, regarding them both solemnly.   They stare back.  Three peas in a pod.

You wait patiently.   Brahms glances up at you so you smile and nod encouragement.    Jamie, ever the trouper and with a tilt of his head so reminiscent of his father, breaks the ice.  

"Hello, Daddy."

You swipe away tears as Brahms's face splits into a  beaming smile.  "Hello, Jamie."

Sean steps forwards.  "Hello, Daddy."

"Hello, my son."   Brahms reaches out and cups the tender cheek.   "I've missed you both so much."

They go to him as though he's been in their lives forever.   And in a way they have...because you've kept him alive in their hearts.  They know all about him.  How he lives.  How different he is.  How much you love him.   Brahms clasps their tiny bodies.   The twins cuddle him back, their faces close to his lowered head.   When Brahms finally looks up you see something you've never witnessed before.    He's crying.


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