To be given a chance - (BxB)

Chapter eleven - Always on the lookout

I stand in the middle of the office, fingers resting frustratedly on the bridge of my nose, eyes squeezed shut. I feel sick. As I try to process what has happened, my stomach rolls with pain and anxiety. Why does Marie not understand? How could she have just let this happen? Why the hell is she standing in front of me, playing the victim? My hands run through my hair, harshly tugging at it in exasperation.

The thoughts rushing through my mind are ones I wish I would never have to think of. Harry. Hurt, alone, scared, and probably feeling abandoned. My heart is tight just thinking of him, the suffering he has already gone through only to feel unsafe all over again. The progress, the friendship, the comfort all ruined. Gone.

A hand abruptly rests on top of my bicep, Marie's hand. I suddenly tense from her touch, yet I am somehow unable to pull away.

"I-I know you're upset with me right now, and I'm sorry. But if he wasn't so clingy to you, none of this would have happened..." A bitter chuckle escapes my lips and I shake my head, brushing her hand off of my arm, roughly. If Harry weren't so clingy? She knows nothing!

"I'm not upset with you," I say. My jaw clenches as she stares at me, a look a relief on her face. "I'm furious." I snap through gritted teeth. "And disappointed. Don't you remember anything from your training?"

"Sam, I -"

"No!" I shift away from her as she moves closer to me. "No, I'm, I'm f-furious Marie. We are here to help and shelter, not abuse and degrade people!" I snap and spin around to face her. "Harry was probably scared out of his wits and he needed me. We have no idea what he has been through. What he has had to deal with, and just as he was beginning to open up - it's all ruined! He's gone, and now he's probably not going to come back!" She places her hand on me again only for me to swat it away. "Why the hell didn't you call?!"

Dropping her hands to her sides, she glares at me in utter disbelief, her face glowing beat red. "Are you fucking kidding me? I did call! I called a thousand times, left you tons of messages -"

"Well then why didn't you call Jackie? She would have known what to do, she deals with me! What if - what if it were me panicking, would you have hit me too?" By this point my hands are beginning to tremble and I feel tears spring up in my eyes, threatening to fall as they cloud up my vision.

"Of course not! You're my friend, that's different -"

"How is that different?!" I yell over the pounding that is now taking over my ears. My head is filled with nothing but fuzzy images, I can't seem to make sense of reality right now. "How can you s-say th-that?!" I break off into a set of ugly sobs, burying my face in my hands. Why the hell am I crying? This is too much! I can't handle this.

"He hurt me! I was scared!" She snaps, lifting up one of her arms revealing marks where nails had dug into her flesh.

"He was scared. He was the one that got slapped. He was the one that ran away!"

"Sam, you need to calm down -" Marie steps a little closer, palms up trying to 'calm' me.

"You what, didn't think to guh-go after him?" I hiccup, wiping my cheeks on my sleeve. She should have at least tried to get him back, right? Why didn't she?

"Sam, people can come and go as they please... I wasn't going to drag his arse back here so he could freak out and hurt me again... Look, I'm sorry."

"Don't touch me!" The uneven tremor in my hands has worsened, and I can feel my chest become all tight and constricted as I breathe in nothing but inconsistent pants through my mouth. This has not happened in a long while. "I... I c-can't..." I clasp a hand over my chest, it hurts to breathe now. I wobble over to the desk and snatch my van keys. I need air. I need to find Harry.