Dazai x Chuuya Oneshot stories

High School Au

Collaboration with a wattpadian friend. :)

tw for strong language

"You shitty bastard!" Chuuya yelled across the lab.

FIRE. EVERYWHERE. 

Half the lab was in flames and that wasn't even half of it, acidic sulphuric gases was gradually making its way towards the foursome as Atsushi had leapt up onto the counter to try and escape the oncoming blaze. "WHAT THE FU-"

"NO SWEARING IN THE LAB NAKAHARA-KUN!" The blonde student president yelled over the chaos.

"Well, Dazai here was waving around a FLIPPING MATCH!"

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have even been holding a match if it hadn't been for the fact that Chuuya's stunted growth meant that he, clearly the responsible one here couldn't even reach the goddamn matches! 

"Well maybe if you weren't such an ASSHOLE then you would have given me the goddamn matches!"

"Well, maybe I was trying to help Chibi with his  crippling co-dependency  issues!"

"I DO NOT HAVE CO-DEPEDENCY ISSUES!" And he lept up and throttled the tall brunette while screaming insults and profanity at him.

"Help... Dazai-San..." Akutagawa choked, his voice raspier than usual. "The chemicals-"

He flopped down, eyes lolling backwards as Rashoumon also collapsed on top of him.

"AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!" Atsushi screamed as the volcano of bubbling acid chased him across the room, given life by their combined abilities.

Screeching he transformed into a giant white tiger, his fur on end as he bolted out, smashing multiple windows by the sheer force of his leap.

"......" Kyouka wordlessly took off after him.

Higuichi appears, guns blazing as she ran to Akutagawa's side frantically yelling for him to wake only to get arrested by the police who quickly followed, their sirens screaming over the havoc in the room.

"Why FUCK  does  she have a FUCKING GUN."  Someone yelled as she was shoved into the van.

"NO PROFANITY WITHIN THE SCHOOL GROUNDS!" Kunikida's booming voice rangs over the classroom-turned-war-ground.

No one heard him, let alone cared, and the chaos raged on. Kunikida sidestepped an incoming Dazai-missile launched by Chuuya himself with a defeated sigh, resigning himself to the situation and stepping back to scribble down a few more notes in his ideals.

Chuuya had leapt on top of Dazai at this point and had him pinned to the ground, shouting at him about fires and codependency issues. Yosano simply watched them, leaning against a counter full of dangerously sharp objects and smirking while Ranpo was barely suppressing laughter beside her, before Yosano let out a shout of "Get a room, you two lovebirds!"

Throwing a dirty glare at her, Chuuya continued hassling Dazai and physically abusing the smiling lanky man.

Mori walked into the devastation with a raised eyebrow, "I was gone for five minutes... Oh, why am I not surprised?"

A little girl in a red frilly dress and bow peeked out behind him. "I can't see, Rintarou!" She pouted huffily. And started pounding his back and demanding for him to pick her up, so she would would have a better view.

"Why is she here?" Higuichi asks shakily, pointing at Elise. Somehow returned to her senpai's side.

Elise huffed again, refusing to look at her. 

"It's take your daughter to work day," Mori calmly replied. "Aren't you supposed to be in junior correctional centre?"

Higuchi said nothing, simply looking away before the situation escalated further. "Anyways," Mori continues, "What on earth is going on here, anyway?"

"Well Sir," Kunikida spoke up, gesturing to Dazai, the redhead still pinning him to the floor, "This suicidal maniac decided it would be a good idea to flail around with a match in hand! He managed to set half the lab on fire, then there were chemicals flying around and before I knew it this  had happened!" Kunikida gestures to the general chaos before looking back at their professor.

Mori sighs, before casting his eye to the mess of tangled limbs on the floor. "Chuuya, please get off Dazai. He still needs to be able to walk, and don't you two think that you two should at least wait until you aren't surrounded by your classmates before engaging in..." Mori took a disbelieving glance at Dazai's (abilt unintentionally) ripped shirt, "Ahem, those kinds of activities?" The professor chuckles slightly, before adding "I'm sure no one here will hesitate to press public indecency charges,".

Scrambling up, Chuuya shoots Kunikida a hateful look before hurriedly trying to explain what had happened, "It's not what you think this is professor-"

Before Elise butts in, "I want to go home, Rintarou! This isn't fun anymore!"

"Yes, Elise! Yes, of course!" He turns to Chuuya and Dazai. "Don't try anything, you too."

He rushes out before Elise fusses anymore.

"Oh, hat rack, I'm flattered that you are attracted to me so much that you would wrestle me to the ground, but next time would you mind asking next time. Remember in health class, consent is key!" He paused. 

Chuuya released curroption.

"Although I do look quite dashing in a lab coat-"

Gravity gives out around all of Yokohama.