The Reason Why [✓ Completed~ editing]

Chapter 28: Comfort and Tears

Chapter 28: Comfort and Tears

*Alexa Shiffer*

My mind could think of nothing else but our argument, for the rest of school. I continuously went over and over what Adriana had said, and each time I did, I wondered a bit more, just how right she was. It was true-she almost always had a person sussed out, but for the first time, I couldn't agree with her. However, questioning my reasons for not believing her, only led me to the conclusion that I couldn't see past what I saw in Natalie, to what Adriana saw in her.

By the end of the school day, I had got a lot more information than I had started with, but it was having the opposite effect. After talking to Natalie and Adriana, it was supposed to all fall into place. I was supposed to have figured out the truth. Instead, I was even more confused; and added to that were feelings of guilt, sadness and split loyalties.

I walked out of the school doors with my mind still spinning. I didn't know where to go, what to think, and who I could talk to. If I went home, there was the possibility of me being alone, but there was also the possibility of my parents being home and trying to talk to me. I didn't need that.

The more I thought about everything, the more dangerous my emotions felt. I didn't know if they were angry or just sad, and I definitely didn't have much control left over them.

As I walked, I looked around me, as if that would provide an answer. My eyes stopped searching when they fell upon Lucas.

He was sitting quietly on his own, on a wall at the front of the school. My heart was telling my body to go over there and talk to him; to go and make things right, but my feet would do anything to stop me. I shook my head subconsciously and turned around. I hadn't figured out my feelings enough to deal with Lucas. I'd only be made to feel even weaker, and be accused more.

I didn't know how long I could keep it in, and as I walked, I noticed myself holding in tears.

I decided against going home in that moment. I needed to clear my head before I returned. I stared at the ground and kept walking. My head didn't know where I was planning to go, but my feet seemed to; so I followed obediently.

I found myself walking in a straight line from my school, on the path leading away in the opposite direction. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and tried desperately to change the subject that was dominating my thinking.

There was a light breeze, taking the edge off the sun, which was still high in the sky. My eyes wandered around my surroundings and took in the pavement, then bushes, then trees, then gates, and finally...swings.

My hand reached out and unlocked the rusting metal gate, before it opened with a small creak. I took a deep breath and entered the park. For a while, I wandered slowly around on the grass, staying close to the trees that were providing me shade. I glanced over at the play area and my eyes fell and lingered on the stripy round-about. I smiled to myself as memories came back of my near death experience last Thursday. I mean, I was lucky to be alive!

This place always used to calm me down when I was youger. It was within a walking distance from my house, so when I just needed some time alone, I would simply walk down here, sit on a swing, and gently rock back and forth for hours, just thinking.

Fortunately, there was no one else in the park, except from one old man walking his labrador over the other end of the park, so it was nice and quiet. Listening to the birds and the traffic gave me a weird sense of peace and calm.

I made my way over to the play area after a while and sat down on a swing. I kept my eyes on the ground as it came towards me and then away from me. Then, rocking with my feet on the ground, I rested my head against the chain of the swing and closed my eyes.