The last video

The first video

He propped up his phone on the camera stand they had for their phones and sat down in front of the camera. The silence in the house was deafening, so silent he could hear the C sharp humming away from the fridge. The exhaustion was overwhelming, his head hurt and his face felt stiff from all the crying he had done just a half hour ago.
He reached out and turned on the camera, but just sat there for a second. How stupid wasn't it to film himself in this state, anyway? In the middle of the night too?
"Hi..." he said to the camera in an attempt to find his voice again after his breakdown earlier. "So, the therapist told me I could benefit from a video diary... You know, to help me feel better and all? She said it would help me... I dunno? To put words on my feelings, I guess?" He pulled some of his too long bangs out of his face and rubbed his eyes. He was tired because he hadn't slept properly in weeks, and it was taking its toll on him. He knew it wasn't healthy, but his doctor had refused to prescribe him sleeping pills, so what could he do?
"I'm feeling crap right now, my head just won't shut up and Brett's not awake, so I thought I'd give it a go. Can't get much worse, right?" The hoodie he was wearing slid down his arms slightly, exposing a bright red streak over the soft skin of his underarm. He quickly pulled it down as to not show it on the video.
"I guess it's understandable Brett isn't awake, anyway" he mumbled, fiddling with the sleeve he had just pulled over his hand. "I just... I don't know? I don't feel like he actually want me here anymore? He'd do fine without me, probably even better..." He looked at the camera with sad eyes before looking back down again. The two of them had moved in together, "for the practicality of it" as Brett had said, but it was really taking a massive bite out of Eddy's already deteriorating mental health. Not that Brett wasn't nice to him or anything, but having to be around Brett without actually hanging out with Brett was difficult. He didn't feel he could mess around like the could before when they had lived apart. He knew Brett needed time to himself, but he didn't know where the line was for that.
"He's probably disgusted with me. You know what happened today? I literally just told him how I feel! Yeah, insane, right? Stupid!" He slapped his forehead and grunted, annoyed with himself. He felt guilty for even seeing Brett like that. He knew it would fuck up the amazing friendship they had going, and he was certain half an hour ago Brett would never talk to him again. "As if he didn't have enough reasons not to want me anywhere near him already, right?" He forced a fake positive tone and smile, sighed, and looked away from the camera again. "And also, this doesn't feel like it helps at all", he commented flatly before biting his lip and pulling the hood on his hoodie over his head. His mind just would not shut up.
"Well, thanks for watching. See you next time in another episode of Eddy's fucked up mind", he said sarcastically and turned off the camera.