Diana had been struggling with her identity and sense of place since she was young, but she had done some digging up on her families whereabouts - and it turned out to not be what she was hoping for. Too deep in this world of torture and murder, she...
Nobody needed you. In fact everyone was content without you. You weren't important. You quickly passed into people's lives and you will quickly pass out of their lives. You never will be important.
You are a sin. Maybe even a mistake. Your shadow hides through the innocent and you deceive them all. Inhumane yet understandable.
It's all in the pain
The pain of seeing others in hurt. And was it really your fault? The only way to subside the pain was to cut it out. As you incisioned an ice cold razor through your soft innocent skin and the scarlet blood oozed out; you forgot the pain.
The pain of others if they found out. Little pretty cuts scattered all over your arms and legs dissipate slowly into time.
As if it was self control. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't let it silence you. But it does...
A few weeks later you find comfort in the forbidden fruit. You are comfortable with your words. Your world. Your hallucinations.
Your life lies on a high to subside the misery and trauma. Not even for a second. Just can't let your guard down.
Not even the comfort of your mother's touch could heal your scars.
But was the high worth the looks?
The looks on everyone's faces as soon as they passed you and your distrusting scent of dagga.
Were the cravings worth all the attention?
As your family sent you to rehab, did you to think for a second. Was your loss of comfort worth the disappointment?
Did you stop to think who it was destroying?
Was your lack of sanity worth your insecurities?
Were the drugs worth your depression? And the temporary happiness worth the permanent nightmares.
Were the drugs worth taking your life for?
As you stared down that building crying, and saw little dots and flashes with your glassy witting eyes, were they worth the jump. The jump revert so you could contemplate. So you could cogitate and examine your verity.
And you thought tempting providence was a good thing.
Making your family lament and mourn was a good thing.
Ruining something greater than you. Ruining your future-- your destiny
And you honestly, sincerely still think it was a good thing to jump and end. What was planned for you.
Stop looking for faults in the stars. They are too far to reach.
Stop looking for lies in your scars. They fall in too deep.
And stop looking for identity. It will be always be yours to keep...
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