Chapter 38

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"I'm on my way, do you hear me? Try to calm your breathing. I'll be there as soon as I can. You are going to be okay." I told him as I put on my shoes and gathered my keys, flying down the stairs and starting the engine again.

I drove past each street, racing to get to him. Over and over I found myself replaying his sobs in my head. The pain in his voice had almost broken me.

All I could think about was him. Hoping that when I walked through his door, he would be okay. He wouldn't be shaking or crying. He would just somehow, be okay.

I didn't know how I would be able to look at him like that again.

I cursed at the traffic lights continuing to turn red in front of me, stopping me. I cursed this city for being so busy. I cursed it all because I couldn't get to him fast enough.

I stopped the car at the top of the driveway. I burst through the door. I took the stairs by two, facing his room. My hand pushed open his door and there he was, lying there.

My heart broke. Over and over.

I reached his cold body on the floor, his phone next to him with my name still on the screen. I pulled him to my chest, holding him to the warmth of my jumper. I called his name, but he couldn't hear me. His face was stained in tears, his neck drenched by sweat. His entire body shook in my hands. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Emma," He sobbed quietly.

"I'm here," I told him. "I'm right here."

"I'm sorry," He cried. "I'm so sorry."

I hugged him closer to my chest as he repeated himself. He was talking, but the words didn't seem as if they were meant for me.

"Don't leave me..." He muttered as more tears continued to fall.

"I'm not leaving. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you, I promise."

My hands brushed away the wet strands of hair from his face, trying with everything I had to calm him down. I leaned closer to him until my face was burrowed into his neck and my arms were pressing him to my body.

His hands were clenched on my jumper, squeezing so tightly that his knuckles were white. His breathing was worse than it was on the phone. And it reminded me of the times my mother had panic attacks just like these. She would scream as I held her. She was in so much pain, going through so much at once.

I remembered the guilt of being by my mother's side. Seeing her like that was the worst thing I ever went through. And now, it was happening to him. He was feeling the same pain. The same hurt she was.

My own tears began falling and I tried to wipe them away quickly.

"I don't want to be your second choice," He slurred.

"What are you talking about?" My voice came out unsteady.

"Elijah." His tremors got worse. "You chose him."

"I didn't choose him," I told him.

"You did. I thought we..." He couldn't finish the sentence.

"Maybe if you had let me explain," I began, "I would have told you that he kissed me. There was never a second choice – there was just you. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to kiss you. You were the only one I wanted to choose."

"You're lying..." He pulled away from me slightly.

I tugged back just enough to see his face.

"Don't do that. Don't push me away."

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