Metanoia

Chapter 6: Our Loneliness is Lovely

NOTE: 

Proceed with caution. There are some things explored in this that may not sit well with some:

Anxiety and depression symptoms
Past friendship/relationship

Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here even if it takes all night or a hundred years. Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near. Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear.

Isn't it lovely, all alone?

Billie Eilish & Khalid

CHAPTER 6

'Here we go,' he thought blankly.

He gasped, trying to inhale as much as he could. There was this growing void that he felt in both his mind and chest. It was creeping and creeping and creeping, threatening to imprison him.

He inhaled – breath stuttering. This ache felt too real.

With each swallowed gasp, and how the urge to lash out was strong, he wanted to scream, cry and called out. The ever-growing void – his dread and restlessness – all rolled into one. Somewhere in his mind he knew these feelings were only the product of his anxiety but he couldn't help it. The void was consuming his headspace and he wanted to claw his way out. He wanted to cry but he couldn't. He wanted to be angry but he didn't have the energy to. He felt on edge as if he wanted to run, but there was nowhere to run to. He couldn't and wouldn't move.

It had been days. He couldn't sleep. Had he been sleeping? He couldn't recall. But as his exhaustion set in, that he couldn't fight it any longer, his body just gave in.

Gulf exhaled.

And closed his eyes.

-M-

"P'Mew, it's here," Bosser said, his voice trailing in a rather sad tone.

"What is it?" Mew asked distractedly.

His eyes were busy looking at the words written on the document he pulled up on his laptop. It was a report he was doing with his group and he was diligently checking what was written so far. A fellow colleague of Mew, Tong Thanayut Thakoonauttaya was also there in the small but cosy office they both share. Tong was also a celebrity but he was more active in endorsement projects. They shared the same managers and Mew got along with the quiet younger man, finding it easy to be friends as they were only a year apart. Tong was an intellect, finishing up his degree and thinking of continuing his studies. He was sitting on the lone sofa, reading a magazine when Bosser came into the room.

"Here," Bosser said again, sliding a sheet of paper to the actor, until it touched Mew's forearm. Mew glanced at it blindly before catching the texts in bold on top of the paper. His face changed, mouth slightly turned - downcast. His eyes reflected pain that Bosser had seen before, over and over again.

Mew might be a good actor, but he wasn't that good at hiding his real emotions.

The manager felt pity for the older man. If he could help it, he wouldn't want to have to be the one reopening wounds that were slowly healing. And Mew was healing. Silently, the Thai-Chinese pulled the paper closer, reading the content with a serious expression. He looked up at Bosser.

"They want me to join this?" he whispered.

Bosser nodded.

"Even after... even after everything?"