Emma That is Dead (FREE!)

Chaoter Six

Emma's Journal Entry

September 17

Today's assignment: Recount a time you did something spontaneous.

Something spontaneous? Is he serious? Spontaneity is my middle name! Just kidding. If you were paying attention before, you'd know it's Giselle.

Where, oh, where do I begin? Anyone who knows me knows I hate doing the same shit every day, and strict routines are enough to drive me insane.

Sure, there are times when those methods are necessary, like during school or on the soccer field. But outside of those, I try not to bog myself down with too many expectations. I want to experiment and go on new adventures. Add a little spice to my life.

The trick is, knowing which risks are okay to take, and which ones aren't. Believe me, some have lasting consequences.

I guess the most spontaneous thing I've ever done—or at least, the one that required the most commitment—is when I got a tattoo. Arbor has one, too. I had to do some serious begging to make it happen, and our parents were royally pissed when they found out (especially since they were penned by an amateur artist)! But they turned out very professional-looking. And like I told Arbor: it's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. I still can't believe it worked!

The tiny act of rebellion was good for her though. She's always so caught up in playing by the rules. If you ask me, rules are made to be broken. When we set up restraints, we only delude ourselves into thinking we have some form of control. But we don't. *Real* control happens when we say goodbye to self-limiting behaviors. When we're true to who we are, and stop living the way everyone tells us we should.

The awareness that comes from digging deep inside our souls is the single best gift we can give to ourselves. Living the way we choose and our OWN terms. It's not as easy as it sounds. Honesty can be hard as fuck—even if the only person we're being honest with is the one we see in the mirror.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, and have a nice day! LOL

Anyway, the tattoos are on the inside of our wrists—my yin to Arbor's yang. You know the symbol I'm talking about, right? The black circle that's divided by a curved line. If you could bring the halves together, they'd fit like pieces of a puzzle. Yin and yang represent how even though two things are opposites, they need each other to be complete.

That's me and Arbor. She's more reserved, quiet at times, stuck in her own head. I'm the outgoing one, always putting on a show. Sometimes I act before I think, and usually regret it.

Maybe "regret" is a strong word. In my opinion, the biggest regret would come from never acting at all.

But to get to the point, I'm the only person able to get Arbor to stop taking herself so seriously. It's a good thing, too. I'm not sure how she would have survived her parents' divorce if I hadn't been around. She was out of her mind! If you want the truth, it was scary. I don't even like to think about it. It makes my stomach feel funny, and my throat tighten up.

But we got through it, just like we get through everything.

And what does Arbor do for me?

She keeps me grounded. Keeps my head out of the clouds (as best as anyone can). Though, if I had to bet, she doesn't even realize how important she is, or how much she means to me. She's like my sister, and I'd do anything for her. Now, if she'd only agree to go out with Lance, then we can finally have a triple date with Kobe and Mey! But noooo.

I swear, that girl's never going to have a boyfriend. She's going to get to college and not have a clue how to handle men.

Good thing we're going to be roommates. I'll be able to watch out for her, cause I don't think she'd do well on her own. I've seen her at her worst, and I know what happens when shit gets too real. I just hope one day she's able to trust herself more, and find the strength to stand up for herself. Especially when I'm not around.

Spontaneity. I guess I got off track! Oh well. We're supposed to be learning about ourselves, right? Who cares if I sometimes veer off topic? Besides, it's not like we're turning this in for a grade. So, what better way to pick apart my inner psyche than to let my thoughts roam free?

But just in case any of the Kobe Newmans of the world decides to read this out loud in the cafeteria, I'm not going to write about anything too crazy.

Ha, I say that now! But knowing me, the insanity's bound to come out. Guess we'll have to wait and see.