Emma That is Dead (FREE!)

Chapter Twenty-One

Emma's Journal Entry

December 10

Today's assignment: Write about something in your life that makes you happy.

I am so pissed off right now, I can't even believe it!

She knew the rules going in. She agreed to them. And now she's trying to change the game.

You should have seen her face when I told her the news. She had this deranged look in her eyes and I'm not sure what it meant. I'm sorry if I hurt her feelings, I didn't mean to. But if she'd stuck to the original plan, we wouldn't be in this situation!

My parents can't find out. They can't. It would be the end of me. Or, at least, it would be the end of life as I know it. They'll completely cut me off. They'll cancel my debit card, take away my truck, my trust fund. And they'll make my grandparents promise not to give in. Because if there's one thing the Navarro family is, it's perfect. There's no room for mistakes here. No lapses in judgment. No screw ups. We are hard workers. We are successful. And we won't settle for anything less than the best.

When Abuelo came to America against the wishes of his own parents, he had nothing but the clothes on his back and some loose change in his pocket. He built his business from the ground up, using his own two hands. And they never let me forget it.

I've heard enough talk from them over the years about why it's important to have high standards. If we're perfect, people won't look down on us. "It's hard enough for the children of immigrants to get ahead in this world. We have to constantly defend our place," they love to remind me. "Our roots here are shallow. We have to work harder than the average man. We have to act quicker, be smarter, run faster, if we want to stay ahead."

Doesn't my father know how pedantic he sounds? No one judges us half as badly as he does. Why can't he see that??

I'm not worried about college. I don't need them to pay. I've been working hard and Coach says I should be able to land a soccer scholarship if I keep it up. Plus, I have a decent shot at valedictorian, so maybe I can get an academic one, too. But if my parents cut me off, where would I go during breaks and holidays? And what about summer vacations? I won't have any money or any family willing to take me in. How will I survive?

If I needed to, I'm sure Mrs. H would let me stay with them. But how weird would that be, living next door to my parents? Would their hatred leak from the house and find me in the middle of the night? Would it strangle me in my sleep?

No. Arbor's house is out of the question.

I don't have the answers yet, but there's one thing I know for sure. If my parents kick me out, I'll never go back. I'll leave town forever. Leave the state. Maybe I'll leave the entire country! I'll go somewhere where I'm loved unconditionally. Where people won't turn their backs on me because of the choices I make. Where they accept me for who I am.

Is there such a place?

I think there might be, but I need more time to figure it out. I don't want to act too hastily. I have to make sure I'm not making another mistake. But there's this crazy sensation deep inside my bones. It just feels right.

Things are about to change for me.

I hate to speak too soon—I don't want to jinx it. And before I do anything, I have to deal with the shit storm here first.

None of this would be an issue if it wasn't for her. Fucking Her and Her Fucking Lies. Some confidant she turned out to be. Trusting her was a mistake, one that could cost me everything. I'm smarter than that, I should have known better.

So help me God, if that girl opens her mouth, I don't know what will happen. I hate her so much right now it scares me!

I'm nervous and shaky, but there's only one thing left to do. I don't know how, or when, but I have to stop her before she ruins everything.

Because I refuse to let that happen.