Secret || Chanlix

Chapter eight.

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After we performed a couple more times in America, we were on our way to Melbourne; which was in Australia and was only an hour's flight away from Sydney.

The outfit I had worn during our first American concert had received an overwhelming amount of positive responses, which made me both happy and extremely concerned. Would they expect me to wear stuff like that all the time? Would I be forced to wear something else like that since I wore it then? Would Stay be disappointed if I never wore anything like it again? What if someone saw something when I was performing?

Chan had been keeping a close eye on both me and our manager since the incident, but I think the man had learned his lesson. Hyunjin had told me about how Chan had scolded him once I left, which left an unusually fuzzy feeling in my belly. The manager didn't talk to me too much, and he never commented on my stage outfits to me despite oh-so-clearly disapproving of them. He had mentioned that I should be given more sexy clothing to some of the stylist noonas because of how much attention it had given Stray Kids, but Chan quickly spoke to them and explained that I wasn't comfortable with it.

There were no words in both the english and korean alphabet that could help me express to Chan how much I appreciated everything he was doing for me, but there was always that voice in the back of my head telling me he wouldn't give a shit about me if he knew what I was.

Regardless of that, I made sure to do as much as I could for Chan - baking him cookies, brownies and other treats; trying to make him laugh as often as I physically could; creeping into his and whoever's hotel room at night to make sure he was sleeping enough and to give him my best cuddles (more often than not, I would find him still working on his laptop and would have to drag him into his bed). I still didn't feel like I was doing enough to show him how much I adored and admired him, but it was difficult to do much when everything I did hurt.

During every single one of the concerts in America, my ribs would scream at me, aching and throbbing and burning until the concert would finally end and I could collapse wherever possible (usually on top of one of the members). I had started sleeping with an ice pack shoved up my hoodie, telling an overly-worried Chan it was just for my sore muscles - which it technically was. The bruising was getting worse, though, and it was becoming difficult to breathe even normally without dancing.

I'd read up about how binding incorrectly can bruise or break ribs, but I never thought it would happen to me. Broken ribs can also cause punctured lungs, but didn't doctors just tell you to rest anyways? Or did they shove a tube into it? Maybe they drain the air out of it or something, I couldn't remember. Either way, I couldn't exactly go to a doctor and say 'hey, I know you've seen me on TV as a dude, but can you check out my female abdomen and ribs? Oh, yeah, just ignore the breasts.'

Maybe I could get it checked out in Australia, where less people knew who I was... or I could just leave it. It really couldn't be that bad, right? As long as I could still dance and perform, I'd be fine. I'd have to be.

--

During the entire plane trip to Australia, I didn't manage to fall asleep at all - not a single wink. My nerves making me feel sickeningly nauseous the entire 23-ish hours. So nauseous, in fact, that I throw up once in the gross plane toilet. It was just nerves though, so I didn't think about it too much.

We were going to stay in Melbourne for five days, thankfully, so that made me feel a little less worried since I had almost a week to prepare more, but I still couldn't help but panic.

Melbourne was beautiful though, I had to admit. I'd been there a few times when I was younger, and the historical buildings were so gorgeous and different to Sydney that I could almost just pretend that we were still in America somewhere.

When we got to the hotel, Chan and I ended up being roommates, which made butterflies flap around in my stomach for a while until I realised something that made my mood drop instantly.

The hotel had a pool. A fucking pool. And of course that was the first thing everyone wanted to do in Melbourne; go swim in the fucking pool. And of course I just had to have told them in the past that it was only salt water that irritated me, not chlorine, so I had no excuse to not swim.

Thinking about getting in that pool made me want to curl into a ball and cry, if I'm being completely honest.

Why couldn't I have just been born right?

Although I tried to use every excuse I could think of to stay in my room, the boys saw right through me and called in the big guns - Chan's aegyo.

Now, when I say that no one could resist Chan's aegyo, I mean no one could Chan's aegyo.

He almost never did it unless he thought it was absolutely necessary. So, when Jeongin and Jisung suddenly shoved him forwards after failing at getting me up on their own - since they were all in Chan and I's room and I was lying on his bed - I could feel my heart drop.

When I heard the high-pitched, baby voice of either a dumb anime chick or a little girl come from his mouth, paired with the most adorable hand motions I had ever seen, I couldn't resist. I gave in instantly.

The members could be cruel.

And so, that's the story of how I somehow ended up standing beside the pool, lathered in an absurd amount of sunscreen and wearing nothing but a way-too-big, black t-shirt that was definitely Chan's, my bandages (that were definitely not meant to get wet), loose, purple board shorts and matching purple thongs. I made sure the bandages were completely flat against my skin so that they wouldn't show when my shirt got wet and clung to me, but still anxiety tugged at my mind and pain tugged at my ribs. Dancing hurt, moving hurt, breathing hurt, everything I did sent a stabbing pain across my vision - I dreaded seeing how much swimming would hurt, but I couldn't let Stray Kids down. I wouldn't.

"Felix, so glad you finally made it! We've only been waiting here for, what, eighteen minutes?" Minho snorted sarcastically when he noticed me waddling towards the pool behind Chan.

The blonde was walking in front of me like a mother duck, letting me cling onto his shirt and hide behind his larger frame. I had my towel on my head to block the sun, but it was also blocking my vision, so I was putting every inch of my trust in him not to walk me straight into the pool.

"Hey guys..." I grumbled at the boys, pouting despite the fact that they couldn't see it.

"Don't be all grumpy, we just wanted to spend time with you Lixie," Hyunjin snickered as he wrapped an arm around my unsuspecting shoulder, making me flinch and jump back in surprise with an embarrassing yelp.

I faintly heard someone coo at me, but I waved it off as I stuck my arms out to try to find Chan again, only to smack someone - who was definitely not Chan - in the face.

"Ow-! Felix, the fuck?!"

"Sorry!"

Eventually, I took the towel off of my face and looked around at the group of shirtless, sun kissed males. Yeah, I was definitely blushing.

I also noticed Jisung staring too long at a certain someone, but chose not to comment verbally. I did, however, snicker at him and shove him into said someone's naked abs. Revenge is a bitch.

Minho yelped, jumping back when the younger stumbled into him. "Jisung, did you just lick my nipple?!"

"My mouth was already open, your nipple just happened to be where my face landed!"

I laughed at the twos' antics, feeling myself start to relax as the group began to bicker playfully and mess around.

Changbin tried to get me to take my shirt off, but I shoved him into the pool. Minho suggested that I take my shorts off instead of my shirt, but he also went into the pool a second later - dragging me with him, unfortunately.

Over all, that day was one of the few I felt myself actually let loose and just have fun, regardless of the feeling of the bandages tightening as they got wet and the constant aching in my chest that I was finally starting to get used to.

I just had fun with the members; with my family.

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