incarcerated

27.

     when the time for phone calls came around, brett's heart was nearly beating out of his chest. he waited his turn in the line and tapped his feet anxiously, his bottom lip becoming raw from him chewing on it. all he wanted was to hear eddy's voice. it felt like hearing his voice would make everything okay again.
     finally, it was brett's turn. he walked quickly up to the phone and dialed eddy's number. hands shaking, he pressed the call button.
     it rang once. twice, three times. brett became increasingly nervous. four, five, six. nothing.
     and then eddy's voicemail.
     brett felt sick. he dialed eddy's number again and again, hoping the guards wouldn't notice. but the other boy didn't answer. brett decided to leave him a voicemail, holding back tears as he spoke.
     "uh, hey.. i'm sorry if you didn't wanna talk to me, i just.. i miss you. i'm sorry. i hope you're okay. i love you and i can call you around the same time tomorrow, if that's okay. please be okay. please take care of yourself. and please come see me when you can, eddy. please. i feel like i'm suffocating. i'm gonna go now; there's a line of people behind me who want to talk to their families. i hope theirs answer. i love you, eddy."
     it was all brett could do not to cry as he walked back to his cell. elijah laid on the bed as usual, his nose stuck in a different book than before. brett plopped down on his bed and pulled the blanket over him, curling into a ball and facing away from his cellmate.
     "hey," elijah said nonchalantly, not looking up. it felt like he never did. brett said nothing, clenching his teeth to keep himself quiet as tears cascaded down his paled cheeks.
     "you okay?" elijah asked when brett was silent. the other boy shook his head.
"he missed my call," brett whispered. "he just didn't answer. i don't know why."
"i'm sorry," elijah frowned, closing his book and sitting upright. "he's your boyfriend, right?"
brett froze. it was one thing to be small in a men's prison, but it was another thing to be gay. the last thing he wanted was a repeat of what happened back in eddy's prison. he shuddered.
"i, um.. well.."
"you can tell me, brett. i'm gay. half of the boys you sat with in the cafeteria are gay. no one cares here, really. it's okay," elijah said reassuringly. surprised, brett raised his eyebrows and rolled over to face his cellmate.
"yeah," brett sighed. "he is. but it's complicated."
"ah," elijah chuckled. "complicated. i've heard that one before."
"it's not like that, it's.." brett sighed, struggling to find the right words. "it's complicated in a different way. we're definitely together, but it's.."
"complicated," elijah said, finishing brett's sentence. "i got it. do you have a guess as to why he missed your call?"
"maybe," brett sighed. "he might be asleep. or, um.. he might be drunk. he was in the hospital recently for alcohol poisoning. been going through a really tough time and i can't be there for him."
"what are you in for?"
"drug use," brett laughed bitterly. "i didn't know what i was doing. i tried something with someone for the first time and i hated it so much. but the police busted him, and i was there. i'd never touched any kind of drug before that night. i just fucked up."
"brett, i.." elijah trailed off, biting his lip. "i need to tell you something, but i don't think you're going to like it."
"what?" brett asked, his cheeks getting hot. he hated when someone did that.
"i think, um.. i think the guy that you did stuff with is in here. with us. i remember hearing a story about someone like that.. but i don't know. can't be sure," elijah said hesitantly, picking at his fingernails.
     "oh," brett muttered. seeing that man again was something brett did not want, something he'd never want. he pulled his blanket up to his shoulders and closed his eyes. that thought could be avoided until he saw the guy himself, if he ever did.
     "i'm sorry," elijah frowned. "but i promise you're safe in here. we're not going to let anyone hurt you, especially not now. my friends like you. it'll be okay."
     brett sighed deeply and rolled back over, running his hands down his face. he was exhausted and figured he'd sleep until lunch, since he had to begin work duty afterwards. it was something he'd been dreading for awhile; manual labor had never been his strong suit. but at least itd pass the time, and keep eddy off of his mind.

     eddy laid in his bed as his phone rang over and over, but he heard nothing. in fact, he wouldn't wake up until much later that night. it was dark outside when he finally opened his eyes, rubbing them confusedly.
     realization smacked him in the face when he looked outside and saw the darkness. his heart pounded against his ribcage as he checked the time, tears welling in his eyes when the clock read 11:14. he'd missed brett's call.
     "no, no, no," eddy muttered. "so stupid."
     despite his nap, eddy still felt more than slightly drunk. his vision was blurred as he got up, stumbling to the bathroom.
     "fuck, fuck, fuck," eddy repeated, splashing himself in the face with cold water.
     driving was definitely a bad idea, but he didn't care. he'd driven while drunk before, much worse than this, and it was fine. he would be fine. the plan was to use his savings (he had thousands saved over the years) to go get a hotel room in the city brett was in and stay there. he'd visit him every day to make up for missing that phone call.
     after packing his things into a suitcase, eddy hurried out to the car and shoved it in there.
     the drive to the hotel went okay, other than the fact that eddy was terrified the entire time. it was early in the morning hours when he arrived, struggling to keep his eyes open. he got himself a room and went upstairs, flopping onto the bed and going to sleep.