Zombies and Hot Guys

Our Heroes are Literal Idiots

The TV says there’s a zombie outbreak.” Asher puts his hand on his chin. “I’m thinking...its a lie.” He says, as outside the diner window, a zombie was currently eating a young man. “I mean, look, perfectly normal day outside. No Zombies.” He pointed out the window, watching as Erik’s eyes looked out. 
    “Your right, Asher. I see nothing but sunshine.” He replies, going back to his book. He drinks a sip of apple juice as Asher takes out his phone, looking through his feed. 
    “Did you know Lana broke up with Kevin?” Asher showed Erik his phone, pointing at the cute blonde girl with tears falling down her eyes.
    “She’s always been a ugly crier. I think she used photoshop for that picture.” Erik took out his phone, looking on Kevin’s feed. On his feed, she was crying. No photoshop there. “Just what you’d expect from a guy named ‘Kevin’. 100% playboy.” Outside, the bit man got up as his skin turned gray and his eyes turned white. He attacked a girl who was finding the right angle to take a selfie. “Wanna get out of this joint, Asher?” Erik and Asher both got up, and walked over to the server girl, looking a bit pale. “You should probably use a darker foundation from now on. You look like a ghost.” Erik stated, putting the money in her hand. 
    “What the fuck.” Asher yelled as his face paled and started running. Erik jogs after him and asks what's wrong. “That fucking George. He slashed my fucking tires!” Asher’s blue eyes glare at the killing that took place. “-and they were just put on!” He groaned, slouching and touching his tires. “I’m so sorry baby...I’ll kill George for this.” He and Erik wait for a taxi. They get into one, and are instantly smacked with the smell of blood coming from the driver's seat as he ate a human arm. “Taxi-man, I don’t give two shits about what you eat in your free time, but fucking human meat? Really? You gotta remember your morals.” Asher stated as Erik was glued to his phone.
    “News says we need to get ready for an oncoming wave of zombies. God, how long will this joke go for?” Erik frowns, slouching on the seat as he played with his blonde hair. “-Taxi-man, can you please eat human meat when we aren’t in the car?” Erik asked, watching as the Taxi-Driver nodded and put the human meat in the passenger's seat. “Thank you.  At least some people are decent enough to put away their meals.”
    “I know, right? Just yesterday, Mrs. Soot ate fish the entire class period. God it stunk, and she even spit some out. Gross.” Asher replied, looking out the window and into the clear streets full of banged up cars and dead people. “Man, this place really downgraded to a shithole. They don’t even wake up the homeless people anymore. Gotta suck for drivers. That's probably the reason why so many cars are banged up.” Erik nods in agreement as the rest of the drive is silent. 

    “Hey mom.” Asher opens the door to his mom biting his dad. “Woah, don’t do that shit in front of me. Go to a hotel or somethin.” He states, walking away from them and up the stairs to his room. He turns on the TV and watches News. ‘This is no joke. There is a zombie apocalypse after an experiment went wrong in Laboratory Number Four. Please make sure to arm yourselves with guns and make sure to save those important to you-’ The lady was cut off by a zombie attacking her. “Jesus. I never knew News was a horror movie.” He turns off the TV, deciding the joke was too stupid for him to think about. He texted Erik: ‘Erik do u wanna go on a vacation’, to which Erik replied, ‘yes’.
    You see, Erik and Asher, are incredibly stupid.