Chapter 17: Guilty Conscience

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1 month later

I have killed a total of six times. Six families and six men I saw walking on the street. So if we're getting technical I've killed 24 people. Some of the men all they did was look at me wrong, others they tried to hurt me and I knew I had to kill someone so why not just kill someone who hurts me.

Todays my first day back at the BAU. Again.

They had been unknowingly wroking my case since they realized it wasn't going to be like every other case, since I left. Spencer has been distracted and quiet lately. When he does talk he talks about my case. Telling me how difficult it is for him. Spencer thinks this is hard for him. He isn't the one who has to do the killing, and the planning, and the making sure I don't get caught. I just want to scream that at him but I just can't tell him about this, as badly as I want to. 

Walking into the BAU is the same as it always is. The team welcomes me back again and I get pulled into the roundtable roon right away to talk about a case.

"Okay so we're back onto the case we've been working on for months now. To catch you up Y/n, the unsub has killed 24 people in total. 6 babies, 6 mothers, 6 fathers, and 6 men all white. "You came onto the first trip to the crime scene. All the other kills you were on leave for." Penople says

"We need to catch this son of a bitch before he kills anymore children" Derek says

"This is the most disturbed and disgusting unsub I've ever seen" Spencer says and my heart sinks

If only you knew Spencer, or only if you actually paid attention to me and noticed something was seriously wrong. I'm aware of how absolutly disgusting I am. I hate it and I'm going to stop. One way or another.

Everyone agrees with Spencer.

"So what's your profile?" I ask 

"For as long as we've been working on this case we really haven't learned much" Hotch says

"What do you mean?"

"Well if it were just the family I would say it's a family annihilator, but the man just doesn't make sense. If it were just the kids or just the parents I would say it's a woman trying to make up for the loss of her child or someone who lost people in this exact way. We've looked into all of these theories and nothing has come out of it." Hotch says

"So we have nothing?" I say feeling guilty, knowing I have all the answers

"Basically yes" Emily says

We spent the whole day looking into possiblitys, well the rest of the team did. I just pretended to while drowing in guilt. I've been waiting for this to happen. For the pain to finally start to fade and the guilt to kick in. I killed 24 people, six families, and six random people I met. Spencer was clearly tired at the end of the day. I know that he's not going to stop talking about it.

The drive home was quiet. I tried to use that time to try and focus my thoughts. Spencer's going to want to scream and say terrible things about the unsub. I'm trying to calm my thoughts so I don't accidentally tell him I'm the disgusting, disturbed, cold blooded murder he hates. 

And as I thought as soon as I sit down on the couch he goes off.

"Can you believe this Y/n?" Spencer asks, while pasing around the room

"Believe what?" I ask trying to sound clueless

"This unsub. How have we not found this bitch yet?"

"I do-" I start to speak but Spencer interupts me

"This has been so hard"

"I know Sp-"

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