A Series of Mondays (girlxgirl / wlw)

Monday, November 16th

PART II - HELEN

Of course, it was okay.

It was just weird.

I had been dating Jamie for two months before I introduced him to my family.

And I wasn't even dating Sofia.

I couldn't deny though that there was something. At least, I thought there was something.

I enjoyed almost every minute with her. I was even pissed at the twins for spoiling our daily fifteen minutes alone.

One month ago, I was still determined to not out myself at school and now I was thinking about dating a girl.

If she liked me back, I would.

Even thinking this made me feel ... jittery.

I hadn't felt this way since – never.

With Jenny, I was more friends than lovers. We had been together because we were the only other non-straight girls we knew.

And I don't remember feeling like this when I started dating Jamie. Jamie was there for me when I needed someone because my mom was terminally ill. I cared so much that I needed someone who cared about me. My parents couldn't anymore because they had their own problems. I used Jamie. I used his affection towards me to feel sheltered and loved.

But I didn't need Sofia. I just wanted to be with her.

I looked over at her. Her dark hair fell in waves over her shoulders, her hands lay loosely on the steering wheel, her fingers tapping to the beat, on her face was a faint smile. Halsey played in the background and for a moment, I forgot that we were not alone.

Then, we turned into the parking lot and reality hit back.

Then, Aimee and Aaron got out of the car and we were alone for just a few seconds. I put my hand on hers on the gear shift and said: "Thank you."

Then, I realized what I just did, pulled my hand back, and opened the car door.

"Anytime."

The melancholy stopped once I entered school. It was loud and crowded and the violet-and-yellow lockers hurt my eyes. Three people were up in my face before I could even open my locker. They were all on the student council; Amira Toprak, Hailey Fisher, and Josh Jenkins, and they were expecting me to do my usual thing and know the answers, or, at least, listen to their concerns.

"There's a problem with the financing of the winter formal," Amira said.

"We ran the numbers, and we are still about 1000 dollars short," Hayley added.

"Here's a list of potential ways to make up for it," Josh handed me a piece of paper. I scanned the list and was impressed by the work they had put in.

"Thank you, guys! I will be looking over the problem tonight and tell you more tomorrow at the meeting, is that okay?"

They nodded and smiled.

I once again went over their calculation and list of suggestions but my head was somewhere else. What was happening? I loved solving problems. This was a problem for me to solve. So I promised myself I would, right after lunch.

I didn't know by then that I would spend my sixth period in Mr. Lum's Arts elective, painting a tree.

"Jonathan, watch it, will you?" I exclaimed because he was almost dripping red rose blossom color onto my green cartoon-like tree. He snickered like it wasn't a matter of life and death. Which, of course, it wasn't, but it sure felt like it. Three weeks until the premiere and nothing was ready: not the backdrops, nor the costumes, nor the actors and their lines.

"Why do you always call him Jonathan instead of Baker?" Sofia asked next to me.

I shrugged my shoulders. "No one ever used my nickname and it felt imbalanced using theirs."

"Okay," she said, "I'll call you by your nickname."

I made a face at her. "That's even weirder – to start now."

"No, it's not. We never discussed it before. You can call me Sofi if you like."

Sofi. Sofi. Sofi.

"Hi Sofi, I'm Lenny."

"Lenny," she said trying it out, just like I did in my mind. "It suits you."