Since You've Been Gone

chapter 24- fries & cries

hold me while you wait - lewis capaldi

"It's kind of weird that Connor didn't come to school today, isn't it?" Layla asked as we sat in our favorite corner booth of the diner.

"Mhm."

"Have you talked to him?"

God, I wish I hadn't. Ever since he ran out last night after our kiss, my stomach has been in knots. I haven't been able to keep anything down, but Layla insisted that we go get french fries and milkshakes after school.

"No."

"You know, that's kind of strange because when I was on my way home from the store last night, I could have sworn I saw his truck leave your driveway." Layla's lips were pressed in a thin line as she stared at me. She was pissed.

"Listen-"

"Nuh-uh. I want to know exactly what happened."

"Last night was pretty rough for me. I kept puking my guts out every 20 minutes; it was disgusting. My mom was worried I guess, so she called Connor. He showed up at my house, and we sat and talked about the fight."

"And?" Layla's green eyes were big as she slurped at her milkshake. I'm glad she was enjoying my shitshow I call life.

"He said he couldn't let Jack talk to me like that and that I deserved someone who valued me."

"Oh my God," she fanned herself. "I'm about to simp over him."

"That's not it."

"Keep going, keep going."

"I kissed him."

Layla's mouth fell open, and she blinked at me from across the table. "You kissed him?"

I nodded and smiled as I thought about the gentle kiss Connor, and I had shared last night. But then I remembered him pulling away and rushing out of my room, and my smile disappeared just as fast as it had appeared.

"How was it?"

"I don't kiss and tell, Lay." She rolled her eyes. "But I will tell you that after the kiss, he ran out like his house was on fire."

"He just up and left?"

"Yeah, and I called him last night, and it went straight to voicemail."

"That's so fucking weird. Let's see if he's posted anything on his Snapchat." Layla pulled out her phone and went straight to the app. It was only a few seconds before she clicked on Connor's story and a picture popped up. It was of Connor and Aspen together in bed. Her arms were wrapped around his shirtless torso, and her lips were pressed against his cheek.  Connor's hair sat messily on top of his head, and a lazy smile was on his face. The picture was time-stamped at eleven o'clock last night and had a simple caption: 'I love you.' Ouch.

My chest ached at the thought of Connor ignoring our kiss and running to Aspen. She was his girlfriend, though, so I don't know what I thought was going to happen. He obviously was in love with her, and there was no way he would leave her for me. His ex-best friend who was pregnant and getting ready to be a single mom.

"Hope..." Layla trailed off as she stared at me.

"It's okay," I shoved a handful of fries into my mouth and forced them down. It had to be okay.

For the next hour and a half, Layla went on and on about random things. I know she was just trying to keep my mind off of the picture of Connor and Aspen, and I appreciated it. Without her, I would probably be in bed crying, for the umpteenth time this week. I owed her so much.

But when I got into my car and began to drive home, I couldn't help but let my mind wander. I wish so badly that Connor had stayed around after our kiss. At the same time, I wish I had never kissed him. Everything would have still been the same, and I wouldn't be sitting here worrying that Connor would never talk to me again.

I swiped at the lone tear that had fallen during my drive home from the diner. I was tired of crying. It made me feel weak and dumb. I know that my hormones are going to be heightened throughout my pregnancy, but I was already over feeling this way.

My dad was away for a meeting and with Tobias and Raeanna back at their respective colleges and Beau at football practice, it was just my mom at home when I got there. She was sitting on the porch when I parked my car, so I decided to join her.

"How was school today?"

"Long."

My mom nodded and sipped on her glass of sweet tea. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm still tired, but I don't feel as nauseous, so I guess that's a good sign."

"Usually the nausea goes away as you get farther along."

I watched the sunset against the tree line and listened to the cicadas hum and the occasional bird call. The wind was slightly blowing, and I relaxed as it cooled my skin.

"Why'd Connor leave so fast last night?" My mom's voice broke the comfortable silence that we were sitting in.

"I don't know I guess he had somewhere to be."

"Hope," she turned to look at me. "You're a terrible liar."

"Mom," I whined.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but just know I'm here if you want to talk."

"You won't tell Dad, right?"

"Not a word," she smiled.

"I kissed him."

"Oh wow."

"What do you mean 'oh wow'?"

"I thought it was going to be something big."

"Is that not something big?"

My mom laughed and took another sip of her drink. "Honey, that is the least shocking thing that we have talked about in weeks." Her smile faded as she saw the frown I had on my face. "Is that why he left so fast?"

"He went to go see his girlfriend. I mean he kissed me back, but I don't know... I guess he didn't like it."

"Well, did you?" I bit my lip and nodded.

"I don't know what to do Momma. I mean, I want to be his friend, but then again, I don't. How can I possibly be friends with someone when every time you look at them, you're thinking about how much more you want?"

It felt surprisingly good to talk about the situation with my mom. She had always helped and given me the best advice when I was dating Jack.

"I'll tell you something that your grandma always told me, 'The honey bee does not dream of kissing the mouth of a flower and then only settle for its leaves.'" Her hand rested on my forearm as she spoke. "Baby, you have two choices: fight for what you want or let it go."

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hi guys! the last quote is actually by rupi kaur (i love her sm). let me know what you thought about the chapter!! what is hope going to do? why did connor go see aspen? does he really love her?