Little Sparrow

Chapter Fourteen

I was glad to be doing something familiar.

Although I did enjoy attempting to bake – and being really bad at it – I missed the monotony of my chores. They gave me more time to think and they were difficult to get wrong unless I missed a spot and Matron made me do it again. Chores gave me the time I needed to clear my head fully after the conversation with Charity the evening before and after a restless night, I needed to do a little bit of thinking.

She had been the one pushing to at least give them a chance and not put them in the same category as my foster family. Yet the moment I start to look at them a little differently, the moment I view them as something other than a threat she seems to think I'm doing the wrong thing. Why push me to a decision that, at first, I wasn't sure of only to change her mind the moment it starts to become a reality? None of it made sense and trying to figure it out only made my headache.

I wanted everything to be normal or at least go back to the way it was before the Atkinson's turned up, but it couldn't. I knew I couldn't please everyone no matter how much I might have wanted to and either way, someone would end up hurt by my decision. Charity had been with me since I came back from my foster family and she helped me to settle back in and get used to being around other people. If I chose to go with the Atkinson's, I'd be leaving her behind.

After chores, we headed outside for our usual recreational period, but I kept to myself and leant up against the fence. A bitter chill travelled through the air and dark clouds loomed overhead, threatening to either rain or snow on us. The other girls ran around the concrete for their daily game of tag, but I stayed near the face and just watched, trying to ignore the goosebumps on my arms and the fact that I had started to lose feeling in my fingers.

"Are you going to join in, Lizzie?" Ethel asked, stopping in front of me. Her heavy breathing from all that running around appeared like smoke on the air.

"Oh, no I'm fine. I can't afford any more holes in my stockings. One more and they might just fall apart completely." I laughed.

"You're going to freeze if you stand there for the next fifteen minutes. Come on, just one game?"

"I can't, I need to do a little more thinking."

"About the Atkinsons? Or Charity?"

"Both."

Ethel stared across the recreation area towards Charity who jumped out of the way of an outstretched hand, laughing to herself. She barely looked at me after our conversation in the dining hall the day before and instead watched Sally brush her hair fifty times in a row. I didn't understand what was going on in her head for her to change her mind as quickly as she had. Unless she expected me to refuse to go anywhere with the Atkinson's because of her, but if that were the case, she should have just said it rather than pushing me to talk to them.

I just wanted to know where I stood with her and whether she actually wanted me to talk to the Atkinsons or if she had just been saying it for the sake of it. Every time she made a comment, she always underlined it with the fact that it would be my decision to make, my choice about whether or not I went with them. It was almost as though every time she felt the need to poke me towards them, she had to remind me that I could say no.

"Ignore her. I think she thought you would have decided not to go with them because of her," Ethel said.

"I haven't decided anything yet and she's not making the situation any easier. Neither is Sally, for that matter."

"I know, but this is a different situation for all of us. Usually, girls are just adopted, and we don't see them once they're gone. This is different, it's bound to put everyone on edge a little. Just ignore Sally and Charity, this isn't about them, it's about you and what you want regardless of what they think. Don't let them change or affect the decision you make."