I see it in your Eyes (you'll be alright)

Chapter 17

Jennie stood beneath the shelter provided by the extended roof of the hospital as she breathed in deep lungful's of the cool, damp air surrounding her. It had thankfully stopped raining not long before she had been discharged, but the atmosphere made it clear that a reprisal was imminent. Still, it was admittedly a nice change from the stuffy, chemical laced smell of the hospital that she had been surrounded by for the last half a dozen days. She watched intently as some of the rain from earlier ran along the gutter before dripping down onto the path nearing the drain. She was stood on her own, a bunch of congratulatory balloons in one hand and her hospital bag in the other as she waited for Lisa to bring the car around front to pick her up. It felt like some sort of cruel joke.

She felt like shit. She was in pain, she was completely exhausted and she was heartbroken about leaving Evie behind. Jennie had managed to keep it together the entire morning, kissing Evie goodbye and promising to be back as soon as she could. She had kept it together whilst she had watched Lisa pack up her clothes and pajamas and everything else that she'd had with her at the hospital over the last week. She had been alright as she had listened to the nurse talking her through the aftercare for her surgery that she recommended she do at home. It wasn't until she was safely guided into the passenger's seat of the car by Lisa, who gently helped her put her seat belt on before kissing the top of her head and closing the door, that she finally lost it.

The sight of the hospital fading away, getting smaller and smaller with each passing second, in the rear view mirror finally set off the flow of tears that Jennie knew had been building up all morning. Her scientific brain knew that it was her hormones coupled with the exhaustion, she was a mess of feelings and it was completely normal, but her mom brain didn't care. It felt like the worst thing in the world, she didn't want to leave her baby behind. Evie was supposed to be here with them, tucked up all cosy in her brand new car seat that Lisa had installed in the back of both of their cars. Instead, there were just some stupid balloons and and an empty seat.

"I love you." Lisa told her as she reached over and took Jennie's hand in her own, unable to comfort her wife any further until they arrived home and she no longer had to focus on the road. "She's safe and she's exactly where she needs to be right now." she soothed a thumb over the top of Jennie's hand.

Jennie knew that Lisa was right, she really did, but it didn't make her feel any better. The rest of the drive home was miserable. She had known that it was going to be difficult to leave Evie behind, but she had no idea just how hard it truly would be. She had been with Jennie literally her entire life. Jennie's room had only been a short walk to the NICU and she was welcome to come and go as she pleased, she still was. The nurses had insisted that all parents were welcome to visit at any hour, day or night, and that they could stay as long as they wanted, but it just wasn't the same. Jennie would have to leave her baby every single time. She would have to walk away and go home without her. She never had to worry about that when Ella was born, Jennie hadn't let her out of her sight and barely out of her arms for the first six months of her life, but now she was expected to just walk away and leave her baby behind.

Ella was still at school when they eventually pulled up in the driveway. The hospital was only a few miles away, a twenty minute drive at the very most depending on how the traffic was, but it felt like the longest drive of Jennie's life, and she was so glad that Ella wasn't there to witness her crying the entire journey.

"Come on, let's get you inside." Lisa smiled reassuringly at Jennie before letting go of her hand and rounding the car to help her get out.

The pain from her c-section was still on the intense side, and Jennie felt a sudden, overwhelming rush of affection for her wife as she patiently helped her spin her legs around and climb out of the passenger's seat of the car. It took longer than Jennie would care to admit, but Lisa never once rushed her. She simply waited until Jennie told her what she needed, and was then immediately on hand to provide it.