My Bestfriend With Benefits

10. Anxiety

TW: Self Harm 

We both turn around and I immediately sigh. My parents are stood behind us.

Y: 'Ugh what do you two want'

Suddenly my mom bursts into tears. I immediately look away from Luke as I know if I do, I will most definitely burst out laughing. I watch my dad comfort her and he gives me a glare.

MD: 'Why are you so disrespectful to your mother?! She deserves respect, not for you to be constantly harassing her like this, leaving for days at a time, you know how bad her health is, you could have given her a heart attack she was so scared you'd left us'

I roll my eyes.

Y: 'If her health was so bad, then why is she out the house? Shouldn't she be resting then? She uses her heart problems as an excuse to guilt drip me, and trust me, it's not working anymore. I go to Luke's for an escape, I hate being at home so much cause of my control freak parents. God why cant I just move out already?! I want to be away from you guys, I hate you both so much, I hate being around you both cause of how anxious I can get. Worried that I'm gonna have my bag searched that fucking airport security, worried that I'm gonna mess up and your both gonna be disappointed. Honestly, Luke lives the dream life. He has really nice parents, one that trust him, let him go out, let him have sex, let him do what he wants, dont body shame him, dont slowly chip away at his mental health, I could literally go on. He has such amazing siblings, to be honest I'm so glad I'm an only child so it's only one child going through this torturous childhood. Trust me the day I turn 18, is the day you two will never see me again. I will completely cut you off, destroy everything that connects me to you both, you know, be finally free'

By the time I'm done, I've got tears streaming down my face, finally glad all the pent up energy I've had about how I'm feeling is out in the open. My mom is still crying in my dads arms, and hes just looking at me shocked.

MD: 'Is that really what you think of your own parents? Who give you everything you could ever want?'

I laugh at him.

Y: 'Oh God you both just dont get it do you? You guys give me everything? What type of bullshit medication are you on?! What I want is what you two refuse to give me. Freedom, trust, even love. All I want is a family that love me, that's all I want.'

MM: 'Why are you like this Blair? Your clearly having a mental crisis-'

I laugh again

Y: 'Mental crisis?! Yes I am going through a mental crisis right now cause right now all I want to do is throw myself off this cliff, to finally be free of you two. But the only thing keeping me here is him'

I point to Luke. They look at me with open mouths. Luke looks up at me with a serious look.

L: 'Is that all that's keeping you here? Me? If I wasnt here, you woukdnt be? I-is that how much i mean to you?'

I look down at him and nod. He gives me a massive smile and I suddenly collapse onto my knees crying. I feel Luke's arms around me, hugging me tight and then his hands being ripped from me. I feel myself being lifted up and I try struggle but I'm too weak. I hear Luke shouting and I suddenly thrown into a car and the doors immediately slam. I open my eyes and see my parents in the front talking. I pull my knees up to my hear and cry, not bothering to put my seatbelt on. We arrive at 'home' and I hear my dad say briskly.

D: 'Come on Blair'

I reluctantly get out and pull my hood up over my head. I feel someone touch my elbow and I immediately shake it off and move away. I go inside after my mom and go straight upstairs.