Unexpected: Geto x Reader

4: Surprises

I sat alone in the women's locker room at the hospital, my back resting against the wall and my knees pulled in tightly to my chest.

I sobbed uncontrollably as I held my head between my legs, forcing myself to get as small as I possibly could. I wanted nothing more than to hide away.

This week had been unbearable, but the events of tonight, it threw me over the edge.

I was always told it was just a part of the job, it wasn't my fault, I did all I could... But still, I don't think I'd ever get used to this feeling.

The earth-shattering truth that I couldn't save everyone. No matter how hard I tried.

The sound of the heart monitor blaring as the pulse was lost, gone forever, it rang so loudly in my head.

The blood all over my hands and clothes, pouring out onto the operating table, that imaged was etched into my memory.

A man in a critical condition was rushed in tonight... And I failed. I had one job, the most important job I could have, and I failed.

No matter how people tried to spin it, that's what happened, and the weight of it crushed my soul.

The worst part was having to push through the rest of my shift, as if it hadn't happened. As if I was the same person I was when the day had started.

And now that I could finally go home, I was unable to move from my currently hiding place.

Thankfully, Geto wasn't meeting me tonight. He'd been gone for work this week, and although most nights I had missed his company, tonight I was grateful to be alone.

I definitely wasn't prepared to let him see me like this. He only knew one side of me. The happy, confident, always slightly tired side of me that loved life.

He didn't know the darkness. The loneliness. The hopelessness. And he never would.

Maybe that was the real reason I wouldn't let myself get close to him. The real reason I constantly told him that I didn't want anything serious.

I forced myself to my feet, my legs weak and fragile as I grabbed my things and slugged out of the hospital.

I welcomed the cool air of the night. It felt soothing against my warm, blotchy, tear-stained cheeks.

I stopped at a small convenience store, giving into my indulgences before heading straight to my apartment. I dropped all my stuff by the door, wasting no time before I showered and dressed.

I wanted to get straight to sleep, but I knew if I didn't take the time to unwind and eat something, I'd wake up with a huge migraine tomorrow. And considering I had to be back at work, I couldn't afford to have that.

As I made my way back to kitchen, I stopped at the table where the small box I had bought at the convenient store rested. Tempting me. Pulling me in.

"Fuck it," I mumbled as I sat down, fully prepared to give in.

I started smoking after my parents died, way back in high school. But once I decided to practice medicine, I knew I couldn't keep up the habit.

Still, once you're hooked on these damn things, it's so hard not to turn back when the stress built up. And every now and then, I would get a whiff of it from Geto, and it was so enticing.

So with the shitty week I had and the heartbreaking night I just lived through, I was more than ready to backslide into this habit.

I was only slightly disappointed in myself as I tapped the box on the table, taking out a cigarette and placing in my mouth.