𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐚 𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐚 - Måneskin

Chapter 18 ◌ Vienimi a parlare

VICTORIA

Italy, 2021

"Piangi tutte le lacrime che hai (cry out all the tears you have)," Thomas mutters in my ear. He is holding my hands in his and he's stroking my skin with his rough fingertips. His face is completely covered in my blonde locks, I think he wants to cover up his gloomy facial expression because he knows that will make me even sadder. 

I'm actually more than sad, I'm heartbroken by the words Damiano threw in my face whilst I was defenseless. Those words came from deep inside of him in a tone I've never heard before. He has been mad at me before, but now I'm still in shock by the way he reacted so unexpectedly. And I bet Thomas didn't see this coming as well.

Then Ethan enters the garden, when he closes the door behind his back we hear a clinging sound followed by a muffled growl coming out of the kitchen. Ethan's face looks red, he's furious but he's trying to hide it from me. 

"How is she doing?" he asks Thomas after we've sat down for a while. But I answer that I will be fine before Thomas is able to open his mouth. 

"No, cara, take all the time you need," he responds and Ethan nods, his face has softened a little. 

"I will be alright, I promise. We will be alright...," I say hesitantly, "The question is if Damiano will be."

Thomas heavily shakes no and he takes my face in his hands. "Why on earth are you thinking about how he's feeling when he just tried to crush you into pulp?!" 

Ethan whispers something in his ear and Thomas backs off a little. I don't know what he said but I know Ethan always has a hard time when it comes to picking sides because he simply can't. Thomas says I should know that he cares about me and doesn't want me to get hurt even if it's because of one of his best friends. I nod understandingly and I form my lips into a tiny smile. He then walks inside the house but with a big radius around the kitchen where Damiano sits. Or we assume he's still sitting there. 

Ethan sits down next to me and sighs. "I know Dam acted come uno stronzo and you have all the right to be mad at him but when the both of you have calmed down you should have another serious conversation, just like last time and I know it's hard for you but you were right and he admitted to me he's struggling as well."

"I know Ethan, io so, that's why I told you in the first place that I sensed something was wrong. But clearly, he didn't like to hear my assumptions."

"Sì, and that's where I get his point. You should really come to him and talk, someone listening to him is all he wants at this moment. He was lacking a friend: an ear that not just listens, but hears him, and a rock that supports him," Ethan says. 

I get a lump in my throat and try to swallow it but instead more tears flow out of me.

Ethan moves closer to me and softly caresses my back, I lay my head on his strong shoulder. I'm shaking again, and the fabric of his t-shirt gets soaked by my watering eyes. He's more awkward than Thomas but I appreciate the gesture that he's trying although he's having a hard time seeing me like this.

"I-, I've been a ba-, bad friend, isn't it?" I stutteringly ask. Ethan shakes his head and tries to soothe me. "Shhhht, andrà tutto bene," he says while patting my hair. 

Then Thomas comes running into the garden. "Ragazzi, I can't find Damiano... I decided to walk past the kitchen to see how he's doing and the chairs were empty, just like the rest of the house," he says out of breath.

"Che cosa?!" Ethan exclaims. His eyes are wide open and he throws me a distressed look. Thomas grabs his phone and tries to reach Damiano but it goes straight to voicemail.

"What do we do now?" I ask. I'm fighting to hold back a new stream of tears, this time because I am worried about my friend. 

"He can't be far away, right?" Ethan remarks with a soft voice, "He doesn't even have a car here."

Thomas nods, "There aren't even bikes in here so he just ran away. Unless he arranged a cap to pick him up somewhere else or he's walking to a place with public transport, but that would be stupid because it would ruin our whole plan."

"Cazzo il piano!" I say without thinking, "If we can't fix this as a group, there even won't be a special concert."

We walk back inside, I quickly glance into the kitchen. An empty bottle has shattered on the ground and his phone is still laying on the table. I probably was crying too loud to hear that the clinging voice was a wine bottle. 

"That's why he isn't answering his phone," Thomas says while pointing at the table. 

I nod. "You guys think he actually drank the whole bottle? Do you know if we'd opened it in the last few days or? Because now I'm afraid that he's wandering somewhere alone and probably drunk." 

A wave of anxiety hits me. This happened because of me, because I am a bad friend and didn't see the signs. Because I didn't even ask what's wrong when he needed me. Thomas lays his arm around me as if he senses what I am feeling. "We'll find him," he whispers and then he kisses my cheek softly like a butterfly landing on my skin. Ethan glances at the occurrence but decides to not say anything about Thomas' pink blush.

"What do we do now?" Ethan asks, "We can't even reach him, it's like searching a needle in a haystack." 

"I think we should wait until he comes back to us by himself," Thomas responds. 

I look up at his face and say: "But what if he's drunk and gets lost or hurt somewhere on the street. What if he gets robbed or assaults. What if he-," Thomas lays his finger on my lips. "Let's not worry about all of that right now. Let's assume he's safe, also for our own mind. We don't need to create unnecessary panic so we can spare our thoughts to make up a plan to get him back home."

"But it's too crazy to go find him on the streets, he literally can be everywhere and dusk is already starting," Ethan adds. "So... What do we do now then?" I ask. Thomas and Ethan look back and forth between each other and me. "We-, we'll just wait until he appears on his own, when his rage is over," Ethan mutters hesitantly. 

I swallow, that might take hours and if he's drunk for real it can be dangerous. "Shouldn't we call the cops?" I ask with a trembling voice. Thomas shakes his head. "No, he has only been gone for a few hours, they'll say the same thing: that we've to wait." 

So we go sit together on the couch, I hold Chili tight to my chest. Her warmth and soft curls calm me down a little but the tension between the three of us is to cut. Thomas caresses my hair and Ethan is scrolling on his phone, trying to find something on social media that Damiano is spotted somewhere, but he doesn't seem to find anything. 

I'm so tired, today was exhausting. We sigh, and then jump up synchronically as the doorbell rings.