The Line Drive

thirty-two

Mackenzie

After Dane falls asleep in my arms, the doctor comes in. The doctor has apparently already told Dane that he will be doing surgery. I learn that when he fell, he twisted his arm in such a way that he tore his rotator cuff. The doctor reassures me that it's only a small tear and that if everything goes well, he should be able to maintain a normal lifestyle.

I don't have the heart to tell the doctor that a normal lifestyle isn't going to be Dane's preferred outcome. The doctor blazes through his speech, ending with the information that Dane will be in a sling for four to six weeks, and that his physical therapy will start in a week, but that he'll give me some exercises to do with Dane to make sure he's maintaining proper movement in his hand in the meantime.

It's at this point that I realize that doctor thinks that I'm Dane's girlfriend. I don't have the energy to correct him, so I just ask what time Dane will be done with surgery the next day so that I can pick him up.

It's already late, and Dane's body weight is preventing me from moving in any significant way. At least I have my phone, so I text my roommates that I'm sleeping at the hospital. Some miracle of coincidence worked out that I had worn my glasses, so at least as I doze my eyes don't feel like they're about to fall out of my head.

A nurse comes in at one point and checks Dane's vitals. She has him wake up and checks his pupils to ensure that he isn't exhibiting any signs of concussion. When she leaves, Dane shifts his weight off of me.

"You don't have to be here." Dane says not looking at me.

"I'm fine." I tell him.

"I'm not--" He changes his words. "It's not worth it." From his tone, I could tell he was going to say I'm not worth it. It makes me furious.

"Dane--" I start, ready to tell him off.

"I'd like you to go." His voice is quiet. "Please."

I'm genuinely so confused by his attitude. When I got here he was mad, then he seemed grateful that I'd returned, then he'd cried into me, and now he wanted me to leave again. I want to be mad at him, but I find that I can't summon the will to be angry. Because he's injured and his whole life has changed in a single moment. Empathy is a bitch sometimes.

I get up and with one last sad look in his direction, I leave, even though it's 2AM and I hate driving at night.

I make it to my car before I'm racked with sobs. I don't understand what I've done to make Dane upset with me. I had been feeling like we were getting along better and better. It's been hard to deny that I have a lot of feelings for Dane Sawyer.

As I drive, I tell myself that I'll be patient, that I can help him through this, that he needs a friend. Like Noah said, he doesn't have much outside of baseball, and he probably doesn't need the additional reminder right now. I wonder how he's going to react to coming home to a house full of baseball players. I wonder how he's going to react to Grant who he clearly detests. Noah didn't say that it was Grant's fault, but Grant seemed to think that it was, judging by the excessive drinking. 

I'm so exhausted when I get home that I fall into bed without changing. I can't help the fresh wave of tears that surge from my eyes, and I fall asleep with my face still wet.

I wake up to my alarm and sneak out of the house, successfully avoiding all of my roommates. It's Thursday, and I have to go to the library for a TA session. I don't feel like I have it in me, but somehow I manage.

I'm packing up to leave when someone clears their throat next to me. I look up to see Noah. He looks frazzled, but worried.

"You okay, Mack?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You look--" He pauses. "Really tired."

"I am." I murmur.

"How was the hospital?"

"Rough." I tell him. "I'm picking him up after my classes today."

"He texted me this morning." Noah says, sounding sad. He's not his normal chipper self, and this throws me deeper into my feelings of despair over Dane. "Saying his life is over. And--"

"And what?"

"That he hopes you eventually forgive him." Noah looks at me. "Was he mean?"

"Yeah." I nod. "Yeah he was mean." I sigh, wishing that everything could go back to normal.

"What did he say?"

"He said he wasn't my friend." I sigh. "And he made me leave last night."

"I think he's just in pain, Mack." Noah says in explanation. I know that Dane is in pain, but I can't help but feel upset that he's so upset with me, when I've done nothing wrong that I know of. "You know he cares about you." Do I know that? I'm starting to question it. I'm wondering if maybe he really just sees me as his tutor. I tell myself I'm just tired and try to push the thoughts away. "Thanks for doing this for him." Noah says, and then he walks away without saying goodbye.

I don't understand baseball boys.

This is the recurring thought in my head as I make it through class, doing my damnedest to take good notes. I know that I'm distracted, thinking about Dane, but luckily I don't need to participate in anything in class today.

When I arrive at the hospital, they let me know that Dane will be ready to go in ten minutes, that he's just signing some paperwork. And so I wait in the lobby, already dreading what Dane is going to say to me today.