A Secret Man of Blood

Bonus Material: Sig Speaks 6

Author's note: this is a bonus chapter, written with amusement in mind, and is not an actual continuation of the story. When it comes to competitions or awards, chapters labelled "Bonus Material" should not be judged as part of the story. Thanks for reading.

***

"I need a nickname," Sig tells Gary as they walk down the street. "One that reflects my personality."

"The Curry: because you're a pain in the arse."

Sig pouts. "I feel like I'm locked in the basement of a serial killer who doesn't love me anymore...it's a weirdly familiar feeling. Still, I remain unkilled to this day, which is more than can be said for most of the serial killers."

"You might not have had the best conviction rate as a detective," Gary argues. "But your mortality rate was incredible."

"Speaking of which," Sig indicates across the road where one man is being mugged by another.

"Let me get on the phone to the police before we go over—oh, for fuck's sake," Gary says, noticing that Sig is already gone.

"Stop this villainy!" Sig yells as he crosses the road.

Gary laughs as he chases after Sig. "What was that? That's the type of thing yelled by a guy swinging into a room on a chandelier."

"I thought it was a good opener," Sig explains. "Direct, uncluttered...slightly camp."

The confused mugger holds up his knife up and warns. "You guys better get out of here!"

"Why? Have you got another ass-kicking to attend?" Sig asks.

"Stay back!" the mugger shouts, waving his knife and causing Sig to laugh.

"You call that a knife? I've found bigger knives in my belly button!"

"...What?" The criminal's tone hardens. "You're not going to stop me: you don't have the guts."

"Maybe not, but I've got the balls." Sig's voice develops into a dramatic growl, like Batman. "Balls filled with hate...for crime. I'm the caped crusader, the dark avenger, the secret hand of the night—"

"It's daytime," the mugger reminds him, but Sig carries on.

"I'm the secret hand of the night—though I also work the dayshift. I am fury, I am vengeance, I AM THE MAN WITH NO NAME!"

"Hey, Sig," says a passer-by

"Hey, Carl," Sig replies, quickly correcting. "Damn! I might have replied to that, but I still have no name."

"Is his name Sig?" the mugger asks Gary.

"Yeah."

Sig continues in his death growl. "All who look upon me will know my—"

"Obesity? Poor lifestyle choices?" The mugger speculates.

Sig rolls up his sleeves. "Get ready, asshole, because I fight fire with fire—"

"Which is why he lost his job in the fire department," Gary helpfully explains.

"Make yourself useful!" Sig tells Gary.

"Fine." Gary responds, then talks to the mugger. "How about you walk away without any money and we'll walk away too—nothing more said?"

"Alright," the mugger says.

"Good," Sig says, striding forward to facilitate a handshake between Gary and the mugger. "I'll just take your hand and—WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Sig asks, throwing Gary's fist full force into the mugger's face, knocking both Gary and the mugger to the ground.

On the deck, Gary props himself up, looks at the unconscious mugger and turns angrily to Sig. "Thanks for the warning!"

"No problem," Sig sincerely answers.

The mugger's victim approaches Sig. "Thank you so much. I really can't thank you enou—"

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Sig spins the man around and slams him into the ground. "Make love to the dirt, pervert!"

"That was the victim," Gary points out.

"Ah," Sig muses, stroking his chin, "...still, it was a great bit of policework up until the last four seconds.

"The part where you destroyed the evidence and harmed the victim?" Gary enquires. "Still, it's not your worst moment...there was the final reason you were kicked out of the fellowship—"

"I don't think we need to discuss that," Sig swiftly interrupts.

"...Because you wore lipstick, put shoes on your knees and walked about pretending to be a lady hobbit, trying to seduce the other members of the fellowship."

"That was satire!"

"Of what?"

"...Society?"

Gary laughs. "Your bullshitting skills are a constant source of joy. You're full of energy."

Sig nods. "A lot of people have said that about me. Though they didn't use the word energy. They said I was full of—"

"Thanks! I think I can fill in my own ending to that sentence."

While they've been talking, the victim and his mugger have run off in opposite directions, so Gary and Sig walk on, the former asking the Dwarf a question. "What would you do if I was being mugged?"

"About sixty miles an hour in the opposite direction," Sig laughs.

"And to think I thought we were becoming friends!" Gary half-jokingly complains. "Thanks, buddy. You're a real hero. You should be driven through town in a horse-drawn carriage."

Sig snorts out a laugh. "Horses can't draw!"

"...And, on that note, it's time to end the chapter." Gary turns to the reader. "I was wondering how you guys go about writing dialogue. Do you have specific lines worked out beforehand and try to get them into the conversation, or do you just go with the flow as you're writing? Is it easier to write for/get into the heads of some of your characters than others? I tend to write dialogue in the moment, as if it's happening as I type it, except in some of the bigger scenes, like battles, speeches or deaths, etc, where I structure most of it in my head before writing."