Chapter:- 18

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Avni khanna

"I want to know everything." I demanded. He intakes a sharp and deep breath. My heart was beating very fast like came running Olympics.

After a deep silence, i broke it "Neil, i am waiting." It was more like assuring then asking. I wish that what I saw was wrong. I want to be wronged. Whatever I am thinking; I want him to prove me wrong.

'Please Neil, tell me for once that whatever I saw was nothing.'
.
'My sacrifice resulted in everything but your betrayal.'

"It is." He stated angrily. I stared him. Did I say it out loud?

"Yes" I gulp down staring at him.

"Neil" I whispered his name. His eyes softened on seeing tears lining in my eyes. My heart delighted with the information but at the same time I felt ashamed of myself for accusing him for something like cheating.

"I would never do that you, Avni. How could you believe or think something like that? About me." He said vulnerably. I know he felt the same as mine but I don't know anything about him. It feels reckless. Like we dated and married but still, I feel like I know nothing about him.

Gulping the pain, I whispered" I am sorry."

He may have had his reasons but the feeling waiting for someone who never shows up and never informs you? That’s the lowest of the low. That's what I felt.

But now I need to confess it and I did it "I waited for you Neil. I'm still waiting for you. You know that. Not able to talk to you. See you! Touch you. Scold you. Love you. Feel you. I wasn't able to any of it. I was craving Neil. I wanted you by my side. I wanted you to hold me. But you weren't there." I sobbed.

"The day I graduated, I wanted to share my happiness with you. Tell you about my first patient I treated. Wanted you to hold me when I saw first death of my career. When I delivered a little bundle of joy. I- I wanted to live every moment of my life with you, Neil." I cried like a baby. I didn't know when I startled him; he was rocking my back to calm me. I sobbed on his neck not able to control my emotions, I had been keeping in from past 7 years.

"Shush-sh Avni. I don't want-"

"No. Don't stop me." I jerked my head from his neck and wiped off my tears with the back of my hand.

"You know how it feels when your husband goes away from you, the day you both married. It felt like a bitch. I knew something's not good with your family that's why I never said anything. But you know the fear of loss or rejection, that is what i felt this 7 years. But let the cat out of the bag now. Seven years felt like 70 years to me, Neil. Zero call, no message,no letters, empty heart but full of hope. Hope that you will comeback."

"I definitely not regret waiting for you Neil; but don't you think i- I deserved to know about you. I always made sure that you won't feel pressurised by me questioning you but didn't you felt for once that I have right to know who my husband is? Tell me, Neil."

"I was craving. For you. For your love. For your touch. I forget how my man smelled. I forget how it felt being in your  arms. I-i seriously sometimes felt that- that you have forgotten me but my love for you, your love for me- our love; was there in here my heart; that gave me power, I held myself. I waited for you. I wasn't able give up just like I told you. " I said remembering the night before he left. I promised him, so did he.

'Mine was; waiting for him. And him; to comeback. Together of holding this relationship with love, respect and loyalty.'

"You know ho- how I felt when I used to saw couples ho- holding each other, roam-ming, kissing, sh- sharing happiness an-and grief. Lying to m-my friends. Not able to tell the world that I-i am yo-your w-wife. That you be-elong to m-me. I missed y-you." I sobbed harder. I wanted to say more and more and more but the my throat is burning, my eyes are burning.

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