Tale as Old as Time

Gaston

"Who does that girl think she is?!"

Lefou brought over two mugs of beer to Gaston, who was in a chair by the fire, intending to give him one.

"That girl has tangled with the wrong man! No one says no to Gaston!"

"Darn right!" Lefou agreed as Gaston took both mugs.

"Dismissed. Rejected. Publicly humiliated. Why, it's more than I can bear!" He threw the mugs into the fireplace.

"Uh, more beer?" the shorter man offered.

"What for? Nothing helps." He turned away from Lefou. "I'm disgraced..."

"Who, you?" Lefou asked, shocked. "Never. Gaston, you have got to pull yourself together!"

Lefou:
Gosh, it disturbs me too see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps

Frustrated, he threw a dagger at the wall, making the others in the tavern gasp.

Lefou:
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps

He moved to the back of him, messaging him, basking in the feeling of touching Gaston's neck.

Lefou:
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy

He sat up on the bar counter.

Lefou:
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

He got down and started dancing around.

Lefou:
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck is incredibly thick as Gaston

To demonstrate, he cracked a random guy's neck.

Lefou:
For there's no one in town half as manly

The bimbettes all sighed dreamily, harmonizing with each other.

Bimbettes:
Perfect, a pure paragon

Lefou:
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley

He slid in the middle of them, silently passing them a bribe.

Lefou:
And they'll tell you who's team they prefer to be on

He winked at Stanley as he made the innuendo.

Lefou:
Who plays...

He made the motion, desperately trying to get the other men to take the hint. When they did, they raised their mugs in a cheer.

Tom, Dick, Stanley:
Darts like Gaston?

Lefou:
Who breaks