Satan's Hunger

5

Kaitlyn avoided Jacob for the rest of the day. Which wasn't hard, considering Jacob seemed to be doing the same. Was he angry? Or did he simply sense that Kaitlyn needed time to think? That she needed to be alone?

After all he'd done for her, it made her feel cruel.

And it wasn't the only thing that was making her feel so terrible. The nuns—they continued with their strange behaviour. Even Grace. Whenever Kaitlyn tried to catch her eye, the girl would turn her face or hurry away to go do something.

As for the rest of Kaitlyn's angels—she hadn't seen them. And Kaitlyn wondered if it was difficult or uncomfortable for them to attract so much attention from the nuns. She was starting to miss them, especially Zeke. It would have also been nice to have a woman to talk to, before Kaitlyn reminded herself that Catherine wasn't a woman at all. She was an angel in female form—that was all. She'd be no help to Kaitlyn.

Open your heart to me ...

Kaitlyn gripped onto her elbows with a shiver. She didn't really love Satan, she knew, but that didn't stop her from feeling sick over it.

For the rest of the day, she locked herself in her room, tormenting herself, hating herself. She tried to remember Zeke's words: Stop wallowing in your guilt. Stop playing the victim.

And yet it was so hard! How could she just stop making herself feel guilty? Zeke was an angel; he had no idea about human conflict, about human emotion. To him they were just words. For him, it was easy.

Kaitlyn didn't join the nuns for dinner, preferring to grab something directly from their kitchen and eating on her own in her room. Her dirty sheets were gone and Grace had been nice enough to make her bed. She thought of the stain with a wince.

It was starting to get dark. Putting her plate aside, she got dressed in her nightie and sat in her bed with her back against the wall, her arms wrapped around her knees.

She was really missing Rachel right now. She thought of Felicity and her purple hair. What were they both up to? Had they heard the news? Did they think she was a murderer like the police did? Did they know she was involved in the assault on the police station? She imagined people out searching for her everywhere. She was walking on a knife's edge. The angels surely knew the extent of it and had to be keeping it secret from her. Including Jacob.

Kaitlyn bit her lip. Maybe that was why the nuns were so unfriendly. Maybe they were thinking the same thing.

Murderer.

Kaitlyn's heart skipped a beat. What if they told someone? She laid her cheek against her knees. No. Jacob had been certain that it was safe here. The nuns might not like her but surely they wouldn't betray her.

Kaitlyn winced as she thought of Father Bartholomew. It was dark enough now that she was forced to switch on her lamp before the shadows grew too thick and her imagination ran wild with demons and monsters. Her chest felt heavy. Her shoulders seemed to weigh her down. A tear rolled down her cheek. How she ached. She was so sick of being alone.

She missed Jacob so much. What was worse was the thought that he might be missing her too, lying alone in bed, bereft of God's light along with Kaitlyn's warmth. What had he said to her? I need to be touched. I need to feel something other than pain and fear and emptiness. Her heart thumped. Was he thinking about her? Just as she was thinking about him?

Kaitlyn knew she didn't deserve him but it didn't stop her from getting to her feet. Slipping on her slippers, she opened the door and left her room, creeping down the darkened hall. All the nuns' bedroom doors were closed. It was so quiet she could hear the ringing in her ears. She could hear the pounding of her heart. Light glimmered faintly from the dimmed lights in the nave.