Hell's Angel (EDITING)

35 - James | The Reason

A/n: soundtrack for James's monologue^ xP
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I stood on Andrew's doorstep, my hand suspended in mid-air by the bell. I couldn't bring myself to ring it. I'd restlessly planned out what to say—what could I possibly say to make this right? There wasn't anything. But I owed him an explanation, at the very least.

It's sinking in; right now is the last time I can imagine it—what he would say when he sees my face. Would he even want to see me? He took the blame for what I did, and watched as I said nothing—did nothing—to help him.

I was debating whether to ring the bell or just leave when the door swung open.

'You've been standing out there for ages,' Andrew stated.

'Oh.' I paused. 'I didn't know whether you wanted to see me.' I kicked myself internally. Of course he didn't.

'Just, come up to my room.' His voice dropped to a whisper. 'I'm very grounded.'

I silently followed him as he wove his way past the living room and up the stairs. He waited till I slipped past his bedroom door before he shut it and locked it.

My palms started sweating profusely at the clicking sound. He's going to regret being locked in a tiny space with me once I say what I've come to say.

'Andrew, I'm a demon,' I burst out, getting to the point immediately.

He blinked. 'What?'

'I got you into trouble on purpose.' I paused and took a deep breath. 'To ruin your life and lead you down the wrong path. The path to hell.'

'That's a bit dramatic,' he mumbled, 'My life isn't ruined. It wasn't on purpose, anyway; I was the one who insisted it was me.'

'Don't you see, Andrew,' I slowly drew out, 'Ever since I met you I've been plotting to ruin your life. Since before I met you, actually. Your soul was assigned to me and my task was to corrupt it.'

Andrew gazed directly into my crimson eyes as I slowly started to shift into my true form. Large horns burst out from my skull and my pointy tail pushed out, waving manically at being finally let loose. I stood in front of him, finally showing the real me; a demon from the depths of hell.

Andrew just stared at me calmly. He didn't scream or cry out in fear. He waited patiently till my own breaths steadied and my fists unclenched; shifting was painful, and always took a toll.

'Andrew, I did a lot of— bad things. To you. To a lot of people. I just want you to know that I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be a demon or hurt... anyone. And I'm so... so sorry I hurt you. It's something I can never forgive myself for. I wish so hard that I could go back in time; I would take it all away, and maybe, we—'

I paused, gasping as fire burned my throat with its choking dark smoke.

'I'm trying to say that- I want to be the person who's there for you. The kind of person who would listen to your dreams instead of destroying them. Who would wipe away your tears rather than be their cause. I did a lot of unforgivable things; I know. I just want to tell you, I need to tell you, one last thing—then I swear you'll never have to see me again. I'll leave you alone, and I'll do whatever in my power to make sure no other demon ever bothers you again—'

'I just wanted you to know that—it's you. You're the reason I want to change my ways. I don't know if I can do it, but—you make me want to be a good person.'

I closed my eyes, inhaling sharply after my impassioned speech. I had meant every word. And now I had to walk away.

I kept my eyes tightly shut, not yet ready to see the look on his face. I tried not to imagine it, but my mind taunted me with images of horror and disgust.

Instead, I felt a soft touch on my face, caressing my hair. I cracked open my eyes to see Andrew face inches away from mine, showing no signs of fear.

'Does it hurt?' he whispered.

'What?'

'Your horns. It looked like they hurt you.'

I gulped, shrugging. 'Mostly only when they... come out. It's bearable now.'

His fingers were still lightly tangled in my hair, dangerously close to my razor-sharp horns. 'Can I... touch them?' he wondered.

'Careful. They're sharp,' I mumbled, gently tugging his hand away, 'I thought you'd be more surprised... or shocked.'

'I've seen your eyes change colour before. I thought I was imagining it at first... but it was unmistakable on the field.' His fingers tightened around mine. 'And you... sort of told me. You call yourself a demon often; I just didn't think you meant literally.' Andrew glanced down for a moment, not quite meeting my eye as a blush rose on his cheeks. 'Don't go.'

My horns eased back down and I shifted on my feet, unsure of what to say. I had been prepared for anger and terrified screaming, but I wasn't really prepared for this.

'I- I have to leave,' I mumbled.

'But you said you wanted to listen to my dreams and, um....' He glanced up quickly, face flushing harder. 'I do understand if you have to go, but—I guess, I just want you know that... I don't want you to leave.'

I swallowed hard, an odd tingling sensation starting in a place I couldn't quite pinpoint. 'I don't really have anywhere to go; I just didn't think you'd want me around.' I paused. 'You do realize that it's literally my job to ruin your life and send you to hell?'

A sudden smile quirked up the corners of Andrew's lips. 'To be honest, I would have sooner guessed that the demon in charge of constantly getting me in trouble was Marie,' he joked.

'Oh.' I paused. 'She's actually your guardian angel.'

'You're kidding.'

'No.' I shook my head. 'Marie is the angel assigned to protect you from all harm.'

'Are you sure?' A flicker of doubt passed over Andrew's beautiful face. 'I feel like she steps on my foot a lot.'

I snorted at the believable imagery but soon sobered up as I remembered my last conversation with her.

'What's wrong?' Andrew asked, sensing my sudden distress.

'I said some... things. Really bad things,' I mumbled, attacked by fresh guilt. I hadn't spared her another thought once she'd left, my mind being so pre-occupied with Andrew. 'I have to go and put things right... if I still can.'

'It'll be okay,' he assured me, 'It can't have been all that bad.'

'It was,' I admitted. I felt ashamed to think of it; I didn't want to repeat my words for Andrew to hear. 'It was really, really bad.'

'She's probably upset with me too,' Andrew said, catching on to my reluctance and changing the subject, 'I was supposed to take her to prom but I can't go anymore. She was really excited for it, but it's probably too short notice to find another date now.'

I hesitated. 'Do you mind if I go with her?'

'No, of course not.' Andrew blinked in surprise at my question. 'I'm sure she'd like to go with you, but aren't you suspended too?'

'I'd have to attend in my invisible form,' I admitted.

'You have an invisible form?' he gasped, dark eyes widening, 'What other cool powers do you have?'

I shrugged. 'Persuasion, controlling fire... materializing cookies?'

'Cookies?' he demanded, completely ignoring my other abilities.

I couldn't stop a grin from forming as pretended to pull one out of his ear.

'Cool!' he exclaimed, 'But can you pull one out of my other ear?'

'You just want another cookie.' I chuckled.

'Maybe.' A sweet smile lit upon his face as I created a couple more.

'Oh, by the way,' Andrew said, 'You'll need to get Marie a red rose corsage. She wants it to match her dress. Or jumpsuit- or whatever.'

I smiled. 'Okay.'

'I'll see you later?'

'...Yes.'