Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 72

The next day goes by extremely quick and busily. Despite my request to ignore Mr. Kamil, Ms. Neela adamantly convinces the board to dismiss him due to unethical and unprofessional behavior. The meetings go as per planned too, and I end up seeing Pops as he is one of the shareholders. He informs me that Baba is also interested and will schedule to meet with me after Eid.

I walk around the playground with Pops during my break. He fills me in all about what he's up to these days, and I feel so calm hearing him talk. "You are doing so well, Abeer," he praises. "I knew this would suit you."

I thank him again for his generous gift, which he dismisses away as usual. Although work keeps me occupied, the paper leers in the back of my mind. I ponder how much Pops knows about Azar and me and what he will think of my decision.

He doesn't mention Azar, but something in my instinct tells me it's deliberate. "Pops, can I ask you something?" I prompt despite my reluctance.

"Yes, of course," he encourages.

"What do you think of Azar?" My question takes him off guard because he stops walking.

He composes himself and continues walking with me as he says, "There is a lot I think about him." I wait for him to elaborate on his ambiguous answer, and he does, after a pause. "I don't want to dismiss his sins, but I don't want to dismiss his goodness either, and I don't think I am in a place to judge him, forgive him or punish him for you, Abeer."

"I am not asking you to," I counter. Don't be anxious, don't be, I chant in my head before continuing, "I just wanted to know what you think of him because you helped him a lot after... after everything."

"You want my honest opinion?" Pops cautions, examining my expression, and I nod. "I think there are very few people like him. Not many people have the strength and the humility to own up to their mistakes. Even when they do, they always want to change the past. I too keep wishing to change my past or fix my mistakes, but Azar doesn't want to fix his mistakes or to fix anything."

"How come he does so?" I muse aloud.

"People get attached to who they are, or who they think they are, but Azar accepts that there is no finite answer to who he is," Pops replies. "We all get tired of carrying our mistakes. We can't bear the thought of them to the point we'll do anything to erase it. Azar too went through this, but he soon realized that some things just can't be erased. Instead, he learned to accept himself as he is, and now that he can focus on what he can be instead of what he wanted to be, he can take responsibility as if it is a relief, not a burden; as if it is a lesson, not a mistake."

I remain quiet after he finishes speaking. He lets me collect my thoughts for a few minutes before saying, "Whatever is on your mind, Abeer, whatever is in your heart, whatever you decide, I want you to know Eshaal and I are on your side. You don't have to run away from us in fear of disappointing us. We want you to be happy, that's all."

I engulf him in a side hug as I thank him, and he pats my back affectionately. I think a lot about what he said later that night. The more I think about it, the more I realize that Azar's managed to do something I failed to do my entire life.

I am not going to deny it or try to change the past, I remember he had said to Mr. Kamil.

I don't want you to think I'm trying to earn you or trying to win you over or something, he had said to me.

If he's not trying to fix his mistakes or make up for the mess, what is he doing? Why would he go out of his way over and over? All this time, I kept assuming he is being powerless out of guilt. Does he not care at all that I'll hurt him? How can he trust me with himself without expecting anything in return?