Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 10

"They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them" (The Holy Quran 2:187)

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I don't know how much time has passed when I get up. I ignore the echoes of the terrible memories and do Wudu and pray Isha and Istikhara prayer. Oh Allah, help me choose the right and help me accept it wholeheartedly. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go, so I came to You, oh my Lord. Guide me to the straight path. Azar... I'm scared of him, and I'm scared of myself. I don't know what Azar will do, Allah. By marrying him, I will give him many rights over me that he can abuse. Help me, oh Allah, I have my full faith in Your Decision. Oh Ar-Rahman, oh the Most Merciful, forgive me for my weakness, my mistakes, and my forgetfulness. Forgive me for my ungratefulness, and let me be of those who You are pleased with. Guide me to You, oh my Creator, and guide me to Jannah Ameen.

I lie on the bed without switching off the lights and mutter duas continuously to avoid thoughts. I don't know how long I do so, but I don't realize when I drift off to sleep.

Running.... running... I can't run anymore. Panting, I stop to take in air, my chest heaving, my lungs sucking in air as much as possible. It all seems so similar, but I can't place a finger on it.

Suddenly, a ray of light shines from my right. It's so bright that it blinds my eyes. I see a male figure and realize he's glowing, the immense light bursting out of his chest. I put my hand over my squinted eyes and approach him. I look into his eyes and gasp.

"Azar..." I turn away from him.

"I brought water for you," he says, his voice so soothing that it is almost unreal.

His voice tempts me to look at him again. My eyes adjust to the light bursting out of him. He cups his hands, and I see there is water filled in it.

I hesitate despite yearning for it.

"Drink the water. You need it," he says, and I bent down a little, my lips touch his hands, and I close my eyes, letting the water quench my thirst.

I open my eyes and find myself in my bed. The light coming from Azar and him giving me water... The feeling of water running down my throat... It felt so powerful.

I pray Fajr and find myself, feeling at peace despite the chaos in my life. Bizarrely, I realize it has been the first night without any nightmares ever since I escaped that man. I sit down with a thump on the bed, shocked.

I don't feel worried anymore, even though I'm supposed to be. Why is it so peaceful in my dream when in reality, Azar does nothing but create a mess for me? I have been having this dream even before I met him, but why?

The knock at the door snaps me out of my thoughts, and Mom enters the room with the breakfast tray.

"I see you are up," she says awkwardly. "Assalamualikum."

"Walaikumusalam," I reply, unable to meet her eyes.

"Do not call me your Mom! I am not your mother!"

"...the truth is your own blood is never the same as someone else's."

"I know what you are thinking, Abeer," she reads my mind, keeping down the tray on the side table. She sits down on the bed and takes in a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Abeer."

"Mom—"

"Let me say sorry, Abeer," she persists. "You might think Muhammad sent me here, but that is not the case. I really am sorry for my words. I wasn't thinking straight." She keeps her hand on mine. "I know you have been through a lot, and you have a right to be scared, but you have to overcome it, or else you won't be able to live the life you deserve to live." She pauses a little, trying to form the right words. "You have always been a daughter to me; Abeer, you and Maliha are equal in my eyes, always. I will never favor one over the other." She pours water into a glass and continues, "What I did was really messed up. I just... I just felt, at the moment, it was harmless. I delayed telling you because I thought telling you would just stress you out. I am sorry I have put you in this situation. After seeing Azar and his family, I never imagined the possibility you'd say no to him after you are ready. I am not going to force you into marriage, Abeer, but I really want you to think properly about it. Azar seems like a nice guy. You should give him a try."