Marchioness Divine | A Regency Romance

Chapter Fifteen: The Best of You

Denmead Hall proved to be a refuge once again, even if this was the last time Amelia was ever to come here. She feasted on the porridge Paul made her each morning, she happily took orders from Judy, and all three of them warmed themselves by the fire every evening. She would revel in being Amelia, in being their daughter, for as long as she could.

The longer she waited, the more she could convince herself that she was better off on her own. Edward had been taught to pose and preen, but she had learnt to survive. She was still young – she would try and be more honest in her next life, though surely God would not judge her too much for taking a few years off, starting over at a healthy eighteen? Or maybe she could return to twenty-eight and pass as a governess. It was more honest than this scheme had been.

The longer she waited, the more ideas she had. She might learn to enjoy her next life, lonely as it would be. She would be fine. Edward would be the one who was trapped alone, forced to mourn his first wife. His oldest friend would become his greatest reminder of her.

She had hoped that he would accept her offer immediately, gleefully, instead of giving her room to hope. She was not naïve enough to believe that he would refuse the idea and ask her to stay, and if he did it would only be out of duty. He did not forgive her. And she could not wait an eternity for his forgiveness – she did not deserve to live like that.

A heart snapping in a second was so much easier than her soul slowly crumbling as the hope faded. Maybe he was intentionally tormenting her. Maybe he would refuse to agree to her plan so he could continue to torment her... Still, she would be near him.

No, she dared not hope.

After a week, the news came. Her news. She began writing to Edward immediately, before breakfast. Paul brought her porridge as she sat with a quill in hand in Lord Thomas' study.

"I wonder whether I should have a word with my new son-in-law," he grumbled, but she could hear the smile in his voice.

Judy and Paul had been kind enough not to ask her too much about what was going on, and she would not tell them about her impending disappearance until it was certain. Keeping things from people she cared for had gotten her into enough trouble, but she would not hurt them until she needed to.

"It is not his fault," she replied as she put her quill down in exchange for the spoon her stepfather passed her.

Paul leant against the bureau as she began to eat. "I was very lucky in love, so perhaps I am naïve. And of course, as your father, I am not impartial. But equal love leads to forgiveness, not the strife I have seen you endure."

"I know. I will not endure it much longer," she promises, and it is true. She will love Edward for the rest of her life, but she will not be tortured for what she has accomplished. At first she convinced herself that she deserved all the bitterness and misery she felt, but when she walked away from Denmead, she would walk away with her head held high, knowing her family was safe – the Burnses and the Warstones.

She passed Paul the finished bowl. "Thank you, Papa."

Paul nodded and left, allowing her to continue with her letter. She burnt the first few drafts and gradually carved out the coldest, simplest missive she could muster. For someone so notorious for being the human embodiment of ice, being cold was becoming awfully difficult.

Dear Edward,

I hope you are well. I wanted to inform you that my plan is safe to go ahead as originally outlined – I am not with child. I am ready for your order to march when it comes.

Yours,

Amy

If Edward wished to reject her, he could do so with no guilty conscience. And she could look after herself. She would not have to condemn anyone else to struggle as she had. It might seem to an outside perspective that this scheme had accomplished nothing, but with her parents settled, and Delilah and Christina now entitled to money allowing them to pursue spinsterhood if they so wished, she looked back and she realised that she had achieved an awful lot.