The Mall

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We're at the mall walking around. We already bought all our stuff. I'm carrying my bag and she's carrying hers. Just the way we like it. I carry my half she carries hers. We both appreciate the way our relationship naturally is 50/50. I'm there for her when she needs me. She's there for me when I need her. It never feels like I'm always there for her and she's never there for me. We've both been in relationships like that. Neither one of us liked it. Whenever we don't need each other for emotional support we mess around and have fun. We laugh so hard we cry at 3AM. We go on dates and talk about nothing. We're basically best friends. That's the only way I ever want to be in a relationship with someone.

We're walking towards the doors when I see him. One of the guys that attacked my car last year. I turn around with no warning and go for the bathroom as fast as I can without running. I hear Millie shout something behind me. It's like I can't see or hear anything around me. My body naturally walks out of people's way. It only takes me about 15 seconds to find a bathroom. I walk in and it's empty. Thank god. I go into the biggest stall as usual. I hate the smallest stalls. I hate small spaces,especially when I feel like this. I turn on the water and put it on the hottest setting. I just need a reminder that I'm here and I'm okay. The water turns hot in a matter of seconds. I put my hand under it without wincing. I stare at my hand as it starts to turn a light shade of pink. After about 30 seconds I hear the door open and a familiar voice calls my name.

"El?"

"Hey Millie"

"What happened, why'd you run away?"

"It's nothing, I'm fine, all good, I'm fine." I say trying to smile.

"You're repeating your words and your hand is under steaming water. You're not fine."

"It's okay, I just saw someone. Can you just hold my hand and get me out of here?"

"Yeah of course but we're talking about this when we get home."

"Okay..."

Millie walks over to me, turns off the water, and takes my hand.

"Jesus El your hand is burning."

"It's fine the water probably has safety regulations on heat."

"Maybe, but your hand feels like it has pretty bad first degree burns."

"It doesn't hurt,I'm fine."

I walk as fast as I can with Millie barely keeping up behind me. I stare at the floor. I don't want to start panicking again. I know the car ride is going to be really hard, I don't want to make it worse. It took us about three minutes to get out of the mall. Those few minutes felt like hours. We finally make it to the car but I don't feel any better. If anything, I feel worse. I stare at the car floor. I can't look out the windows. I'm scared I'll see him again if I look outside.

I stare at the floor and focus on my breathing while millie starts to drive. We stop and go. Every time we stop, my heart rate increases.

"Millie, are we almost home?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah, we'll be there soon." She reptiles gently.

I know she knows I'm nervous, she just doesn't understand why. I still haven't told her. I know I'm going to have to,and soon. I just really don't want to. I was waiting for the right time. I guess that time is now.

Five minutes later we get to our house. I immediately get out of the car and run inside. I run into our room and bury myself in the comfortable blankets that feel like home. I hear footsteps coming toward me and I immediately recognize them as Millie's footsteps. She crawls into bed next to me and puts her head on my shoulder.

"So what happened back there?" she asks me gently.

"I saw someone that looked like someone that scared the living shit out of me a few years ago."

I tell her everything. How we just wanted to go Christmas shopping. How we pulled over because we thought that's what they wanted us to do. How they got out of the car and chased us. Every single detail I could remember, I told her. It felt good to let it out. It felt nice to know that finally I wasn't hiding a big part of myself from her.

I can tell Millie doesn't know what to say. All she does is hug me close to her. I think I understand what she wants to tell me. That she's sorry that that happened to me. That she loves me. That she won't let anything happen to me. I hug her tightly and hope she gets my message. That I'm okay now. That I will always be okay if I have her by my side. 

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